


these sweet dreams in motion

by Talls



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, no straight people in the entire fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 01:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6450445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talls/pseuds/Talls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn meets Liam one day and instantly falls in love. They hit it off instantly, spending all their time together, watching movies, and going to restaurants. They complete each other, love each other, need each other, and want nothing but each other. There's just one snag: Liam already has a girlfriend. </p><p>A love story about football, weird fusion restaurants, songwriting, best friends, finding your home, and getting a happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	these sweet dreams in motion

**Author's Note:**

> This was an odyssey for me, and it consumed me for months, and I'm so happy that I finally get to share it with you!
> 
> Thank you to Ale, who was there for me throughout every single step of this fic, responding to incessant text messages at 4 in the morning about each sentence and paragraph, patiently reading every single section I wrote at ridiculous hours of the day. You were my good witch glinda, and there was no way I could have done this without you. I love you more and more each day, and I honestly can't wait for our next adventure. 
> 
> Thank you to hoppersaplenty for creating a phenomenal mix for this fic! All of the songs were perfect, and I listen to them all the time! I couldn't believe how well you captured all of what I was writing these characters to feel, and I recommend everyone who reads this to listen to them as you read. 
> 
> Disclaimer: This was not beta'd (although many people read over it) and it wasn't brit-picked either. I don't know the boys personally, and what I actually think about the boys is not reflected in this gender-changed story about them. 
> 
> The title comes from the song Braveheart - Neon Jungle. The mix is at this link: https://open.spotify.com/user/dinglehoppersaplenty/playlist/5qsQdb8vc5TYxUJ1qXpJye
> 
> For those of you who read all of my babbling, without further ado, this is "these sweet dreams in motion". I hope you like it.

There’s a cute girl in Zayn’s art history class. She’s tall and slender, all long limbs and big green eyes, and a clumsy kind of grace that catches the eye. She’s wearing a button down that is buttoned the bare minimum needed to escape a public indecency charge and an absolutely terrible hat over her curls. Tattoos are scattered over her torso and arms, but they don’t make her look tough, they just make her look sweet. Zayn is intrigued. The girl slides into the seat next to Zayn casually, and smiles big at her, adorable dimples and hideous hat on display.

“Can I borrow a pencil? I forgot all mine, and my laptop ran out of battery.” Her voice is slow and surprisingly deep. Zayn leers a bit at her. 

“I’ll trade you my pencil for your number.” Zayn is a flirt, this is common knowledge, and hey, she's gonna give the pencil to the girl anyways. 

“Give me two pencils, I’ll give you my number and you can come hang out with me after class.” Harry drawls. She winks, and Zayn smiles wider. She hands over the two pencils, and the girl proceeds to introduce herself as Harry. Throughout the lecture, Harry makes funny comments about everything the professor says, and doodles smiley faces on her journal. Zayn looks at the strange girl, and thinks if she doesn’t get laid out of this, she would be more than happy just being this girl’s friend. 

**********

So Harry legitimately just wanted to hang out, as Zayn learns when Harry introduces her to Louis, her girlfriend. That’s fine. Unexpected, but just fine. Harry had led her to the benches in Miner Park, a park that’s really close to a block of fast food restaurants. Harry had stopped and picked up a couple of pizzas on the way, so they could have lunch together. 

“So, Zayn, how did you meet my Haz? Did she trip on you, or accidentally hit you in the face tripping over something or someone else?” Louis says as Harry squawks in protest. Zayn just laughs. Louis is almost a complete opposite to Harry, short where Harry is tall, curvy where Harry is more androgynous, eyes sharp and piercing. She has tattoos, but they aren’t sweet like Harry’s. She’s gorgeous, and she looks like she knows it. Double or nothing.

“Well, she took my pencils and invited me back here for what I hope was a threesome,” Zayn says lasciviously. Louis narrows her eyes, and then cackles. She grabs Harry and kisses her.

“Only you, Haz, could go to class with nothing but your barely covered body, and come back with a supermodel and a couple of spare pencils. Unfortunately,” she was talking to Zayn now, “Harry and I aren’t much for threesomes- I’m too possessive, and she’s too uncoordinated.” Harry grins down at her and whispers something in Louis’ ear that makes her face turn bright pink and her mouth fall open a bit. Zayn turns to the cute blonde in the snapback next to her who has been laughing at the entire exchange. 

“You are absolutely lovely, how do you feel about consoling me?” The blonde bursts into laughter again. She has a laugh like summer, and a smile like sunshine.

“You have no shame, do you?” Zayn shrugs, smirking. Her accent is pretty hot too. “I would, I mean, look at those cheekbones, but I happen to be ace as hell.” Zayn pouted for half a second.

“Just my luck. What’s your name?” The blonde relaxes, letting out some tension that Zayn hadn’t noticed at her easy acceptance. 

“Niall Horan at your service.” Niall suddenly turns to the couple on the bench, currently doing their level best to devour each others faces, “Oi, you’re in public, get your hands out of each other’s pants, you animals.” Harry and Louis pull away from each other reluctantly, sheepish and smug respectively. They smile at Zayn, and Zayn, already charmed by the group, smiles back. 

“Zayn, what are you studying?” Harry asks, in that slow raspy tone, and so they spend the next five minutes chatting about their lives and what they’re majoring in. Louis is a theatre major, Niall is in political science, Harry is looking to go into music production, and Zayn is an english major with a minor in art. They mention Liam a couple times, their other best friend, here for a football scholarship and hoping to go pro. Zayn feels weirdly natural, like she can drop the flirty, extroverted persona, and just be herself. She very rarely feels this comfortable, this natural, with other people, and she knows better than to mess this up for herself, so she checks her sarcasm, and does her best not to develop any crushes. 

At one point, Louis starts snickering, and when questioned she simply states, “Imagine what will happen when Zayn flirts with Liam.” The other girls go wild. Harry starts giggling uncontrollably, Niall starts calling out things like, “Liam will dissolve into a puddle of embarrassment” or “Liam will fly into the sky to escape a compliment,” and Louis challenges Niall to a wager on Liam’s reaction. Zayn just watches, curious and confused, until Harry gets a text from Liam herself. 

“We’ll see soon, she just finished her run, and she’s coming here for food and company.” Louis makes a pleased noise, and they fall back into conversation, tossing thoughts back and forth until Liam finds them.

Liam is not what Zayn was expecting. Zayn does not know what she was expecting, but it sure as hell isn’t Liam. Liam is miles of smooth tan skin dotted with freckles, birthmarks and a smattering of tattoos. She has long legs with strong thighs and big biceps exposed by the tight Wonder Woman tank top she’s wearing. It’s like one of Zayn’s wet dreams has come to life and is standing in front of her making small talk with one of Zayn’s new friends, casual as anything. 

“Hi, I’m Liam. It’s nice to meet you, Zayn is it?” Liam was talking to her. Fuck. Luckily, her mouth kicks in before her brain does, and she stammers out a, “Yeah, it’s nice to meet you too.” Liam smiles at her, and that just isn't fair. Liam is sexy when she isn't smiling, but when she is, it’s like her entire face transforms. Her eyes crinkle up, and her smile is so warm and sincere, and if Zayn wasn’t fucked earlier, she sure is now. 

Liam spoke up again, interrupting Zayn’s mindless ogling of her face. “So, you like Batman?” Zayn is a bit confused until she looks down and saw the Batman tee she was wearing. She smiles reflexively.

“Yeah, I’m a bit of a comic nerd.” Liam’s face lights up.

“Oh yeah, me too! I love Batman, and Wonder Woman as you can see,” she says, gesturing at her tank top. Zayn forces herself not to look down at Liam’s chest. “Are you a DC girl, or Marvel girl?” Liam asks, with an endearing smile.

“I like both, but if I had to choose it would be Marvel. That doesn’t mean I’m not super excited for Suicide Squad though.” Zayn says, getting excited. She doesn't have many friends willing to indulge her love of comics.

“Oh man, I’m so excited about Suicide Squad, like Batman is my favorite, but Harley Quinn is so cool and like, it’s got Margot Robbie,” Liam gushes, sitting down next to Zayn, and turning her entire body to face her.

“Right! Oh, and Ant-Man, I’m so excited. Thing is I’m a bit iffy about it because they got rid of Jan, and Jan was so important, but I have to watch it because apparently Bucky Barnes makes an appearance.” 

“And Bucky is obviously the most important part of the MCU.” Liam finishes for her. They sit and smile at each other for a couple seconds, the other girls staring incredulously at them. Zayn can’t hold back her grin and neither can Liam. The conversation flows easily between them after, tossing out ideas about Civil War, and Bucky’s character arc, and their favorite Batman villains as the other girls make conversation around them. 

She’s about to muster up the courage to ask Liam if she maybe wanted to get coffee with her at some point when Liam’s phone buzzes. 

“Wait, one sec. Oh I’m so sorry, my girlfriend wants to meet up for dinner. We can talk later, yeah? Maybe grab coffee, or something?” Liam asks hopefully, as she gets up from the bench. Zayn smiles wide and nods, trying to mask the utter devastation she’s feeling. Liam smiles back at her, so it must have worked. “You can get my number from Lou, yeah? See you later, it was so great meeting you!” She says sincerely, with that same endearing grin. She hugs each of the girls goodbye and runs off in the direction she came from. 

When Liam is far enough from the benches that there is no way she could see Zayn’s face , Zayn drops the smile, hoping she isn’t too obvious. Niall gives her a sympathetic look. So she is that obvious. Wonderful. Zayn lets herself slump for a second, using that time to process everything. Then she straightens, cheerful persona firmly in place. 

“Well, my luck today has been shit. I hit on two girls in a relationship with each other, an asexual, and another girl in a relationship. I promise, my game is usually much better. We need to go clubbing together, I can prove myself to you.” Zayn looks at all of them expectantly, waiting for their reactions. Niall and Harry are excited, contemplating the outing and tossing ideas back and forth, and Zayn pats herself on the back for the deflection. Only Louis is silent, calculating gaze staring through Zayn’s facade. She narrows her eyes, and then nods at Zayn, an acknowledgment of what Zayn just did, and then jumps into the conversation with twice the fervor of the other girls, talking about plans and possible dates. At one point she looks back at Zayn and winks. Zayn smiles at her gratefully, and then starts talking again. 

Zayn ends up having to go to her lit class, so she leaves after exchanging numbers with the others, eliciting promises to hang out with each other again. A few minutes later she gets a notification on her phone from Louis. It’s a contact number, Liam “Payno” Payne.

from THE TOMMO : if u did want to call her x

Zayn’s finger hovers over the delete option, before moving to the save option. Just in case. 

 

*******************  
Zayn doesn't end up calling Liam. She looks at her contact occasionally, thumbing over the information before closing her phone. She’s still in contact with Harry, Louis, and Niall. She snapchats them all the time, and they have plans to go clubbing, but she hasn’t seen them. She tells Perrie, her flatmate and best friend, about the situation, and they both agree that it wouldn’t be good to hang out with a girl Zayn likes so much when she doesn't have a chance. 

So Zayn doesn’t call Liam. Instead, Liam calls her. 

“Hey, is this Zayn? This is Liam, from a week ago, we met at Miner Park. ” Liam’s voice sounds strange in the speakers, a bit more metallic, less warm. 

“Liam, yeah, I remember. Where’d you get my number from?” Zayn asks. She didn’t think that Liam would actually call her. She isn’t prepared.

“Oh, Louis gave it to me. I thought maybe you didn't get mine, or maybe you were busy. Unless you didn't want to actually have coffee with me, and I just did the equivalent of what a stalker does when you made it clear you weren't interested in hanging out with me, oh my goodness I’m so sorry, I thought you were having fun talking to me, but I’m really bad at talking to people-” Liam babbles. Zayn has never felt more guilty in her life. 

“Liam. I loved talking to you. Of course I want coffee. I was just busy and it’s the first week of classes, so I’m trying to get all my shit together. Did you have a coffee place in mind?” Liam breathes a sigh of relief into the phone, and the idea that Liam was actually nervous about talking to Zayn is mystifying and endearing in equal measures. 

“Yeah, there’s a great place by Miner Park, where we met. Its called the Cup D’etat, it's got really good coffee, better tea, and the best hot chocolate.” Zayn can't suppress the grin on her face, laughing at both the coffee shop name and Liam’s unbridled enthusiasm about hot chocolate. 

“Sounds great! When did you want to meet up?” 

“Is now okay with you?” Liam asks, and Zayn laughs. 

“Yeah, sure thing, be there in ten. See you there.”

“See you. Is it weird to say I’m a bit excited? I don’t usually meet people who like comics, and you’re so cool.” Zayn laughs again, god the effect this girl has on her.

“A bit weird yeah, but I’ll forgive it because I don't meet people who like comics either.”

“What, am I not cool?”

“Goodbye, Liam,” Zayn states, uncontrollably smiling. Liam laughs loudly and says goodbye before hanging up. Zayn puts her head in her hands. She has such a great laugh. Zayn is so screwed, this is terrible idea, she shouldn’t go, maybe Liam would get the message, and stop talking to her and being cute.

 

*******************  
Zayn is there before Liam. She orders a caramel latte with extra whipped cream, and sits nervously waiting for Liam. Maybe she should leave, this isn’t going to be good. She isn't dressed for this, why did she wear the leather jacket, it's not even cold out. The door opens, and her head whips upwards to see Liam entering the shop. She looks cuddly and soft in her soft coat and leggings. Zayn aches to give her a hug. Liam beams when she spots Zayn and sits across from her. 

“Hey! I was thinking you might bail or something. I don't know why, I felt like maybe you had better things to do.” Liam says as she gets her stuff all settled. It’s strange, Zayn was panicking earlier but as soon as Liam sits down, she feels herself getting calmer. 

“I couldn’t have missed this. The name of the café is Cup D’etat.” Liam grins at Zayn’s comment.. 

“I know! When I saw it the first time, I had to come in, just to see if they were actually going to overthrow a government with cups, but so far all they’ve overthrown is my idea of the perfect cup of coffee.” Zayn laughs at the horrible joke, and Liam sits there smiling. “Okay, so I need to go order, did you already?” Right then, the barista yelled Zayn’s name. “That answers that.” Zayn laughs again, why is she laughing so much, she never laughs this much, and goes up to the counter to pick up her latte. 

When they both get their drinks, after a short wait, Liam looks like she's literally about to burst. 

“What is it?” Zayn asks. Liam looks surprised to be caught out. “You’ve been fidgeting, and you keep opening your mouth to say something before shutting it.” 

“Okay. I have a question, but you don’t have to say anything, I’m just curious, and occasionally a bit invasive, so if like you feel it’s too personal, just tell me to shut up-” Her babbling, while adorable, is not necessary. 

“Just ask.” Zayn cuts her off.

“Can you tell me about your tattoos?” Zayn wasn’t expecting that, and her expression must convey that shock, because Liam just keeps talking, trying to explain herself. “I know, tattoos can be so personal, and I shouldn’t bring them up, like immediately, but they just look so cool.” 

“Babe, you're fine, that's not even in the top hundred of invasive questions. This tattoo” Zayn explains, pointing to the ZAP tattoo, “is literally just because I love comics so much.” Liam looks enraptured, so Zayn just keeps going, pointing to each tattoo in sight, and describing the ones hidden by her clothes. Liam looks astounded, and she keeps asking questions, and somehow they just progress to talking about their lives. Liam explains why she got into football,

“I was bullied a lot as a child, I was sick a lot because one of my kidneys was really scarred, and I didn't really exercise that much, so I gained quite bit of weight. The other kids were brutal, all kids are, and so I got really into football as like, an escape. I was actually rubbish at it in the beginning, but after a while I got really good, and I had lost a lot of weight, and I was feeling really healthy. It changed my life, and I love it, and so when I got the opportunity to get on the track to go pro, I jumped on it.” Liam says.

Zayn nods, but then asks, “Wait, what happened to your kidney?” 

Liam startles, and responds, “Oh don’t worry, it grew back.” Zayn blinks.

“It just, grew back?” Zayn asks. Liam nods. “That is some superhero bullshit right there if I’ve ever seen it.” Liam looks taken aback, then grins.

“I never thought about it like that, but it makes sense. That’s so cool though, what would my superhero name be?”

“Kidney girl.” Zayn says immediately. Liam wrinkles her nose in distaste.

“That’s the worst name for a superhero I have ever heard in my entire life. It sounds like I have an infection or something. ” Liam says in a mildly disgusted voice.

“You have obviously never heard of Negasonic Teenage Warhead.” Liam laughs loud enough that people from neighboring tables look over. “It’s real, I promise.” Liam just laughs harder and Zayn has never felt so proud of herself.

Zayn opens up about her childhood too.

“For the longest time, kids would make fun of me because of my race and religion. I didn't wear the right clothes, eat the right food, watch the right movies, you know? I would hear slurs all the time. I didn't really have many friends at all. When I came out, almost everyone just stopped associating with me, even the girls who I barely talked to in class. If I didn’t have Danny and Ant, two family friends, I don't know what I would have done.” Zayn doesn’t know why she decided to tell Liam this deeply personal stuff, all she knows is that she trusts Liam. And that’s a bit terrifying. 

Liam smiles sympathetically. “I’m glad you got out of there. Harry, Louis, and Niall have similar stories.” Zayn smiles at her. She still can’t believe how easy this feels, just talking to Liam about her past, who she wants to be, intensely personal things that she almost never talks about. Liam is so easy to talk to, to be with. 

“I’m glad I found you guys.” Liam smiles back.

“So am I.” 

*******************

Zayn barges into Perrie’s room after the coffee not-date, with two bottles of cheap wine. Perrie sits up, takes in the situation, and makes space on the bed immediately. Perrie is the ultimate bro. 

A bottle of wine later, they’re lying cuddled up on Perrie’s bed. 

“It’s such a terrible idea hanging out with her so much when I know just how much I like her. And the more I hang out with her, the worse it’s gonna get. I just like her so much, and she’s really funny, and I want to be her friend, I promise. I just also want to make out with her for hours.” Perrie nods and pets Zayn’s hair again. Perrie is so great.

“I mean, you can be her friend. She has a girlfriend, and that might never change, but if you like this girl so much, being her friend is bound to be pretty great too. It’s not that bad being in love with a friend. At least, you know they love you some way.” Petrie says wistfully. Zayn smiles at her, and then pets Perrie’s hair. 

“Speaking of being in love with a friend, how is Jesy? She doesn't really talk to me anymore.” Perrie groans, and collapses against Zayn. Zayn wraps her arms around her, stroking her back and making soft comforting noises. Those always help. 

“It’s going wonderfully, and also terribly. We’re so close, and we hang out all the time, and she’s so lovely, but she is gorgeous, and she wears these tight shirts, and I have very little control over myself.” Zayn laughs a little bit. “Don’t laugh at me, it’s the worst.” Her voice is muffled in Zayn’s shirt. 

Perrie’s door opens, and Jesy stands there with a smile on her face that dies at the sight of Zayn and Perrie intertwined on the bed. Zayn closes her eyes for a second, and yells internally at whatever cosmic deity is in charge of timing. Perrie rolls away from Zayn and sits up. Jesy still doesn't smile. 

“Jesy. Did you need something?” Perrie asks, eyes bright, and words barely slurred. 

“I was just going to say Jade, Leigh-Ann, and I were going out, and we wanted to see if you were coming, but obviously you have plans, so I’ll just-” 

“No, no, I don't have plans. Zayn was just telling me about something,” Perrie backtracks, almost sounding desperate in her eagerness. 

“Right, and I just finished telling her about it, so I’ll just go.” Zayn picks up on the cue, and makes her way off the bed, grabbing the wine, and exiting the room. Jesy’s jaw is still clenched, and she looks vaguely homicidal when Zayn passes by, but she doesn't say anything. Zayn misses the days when Jesy would smile at her, but jealousy changes people.

Zayn yells a “have fun” to the girls when they leave the apartment, and then sits alone in the flat, nothing but her and her wine. She spots her phone lying by her bed, and picks it up, thumbing through her contacts until she lands at Liams. Before she can talk herself out of it, she presses call, and waits. Liam picks up almost immediately.

“Hey Zayn! What’s up?” Liam’s voice is bright and she sounds so genuinely excited about Zayn calling that Zayn can’t help but to smile.

“Hey! Listen, I know we like just hung out, but my flatmates totally just ditched me to go out tonight, and I have the Batman trilogy, a bottle of wine and four bags of popcorn, so-” Liam cuts her off. 

“I will be there immediately, where do you live, and do you want me to bring anything?” Zayn laughs a little at Liam’s enthusiasm. “I mean, if you were inviting me over. Were you? I hope you were, otherwise this is awkward.”

“I was inviting you over,” Zayn says. 

“Oh good, let me tell Niall where I’m going, we live together, and she worries sometimes.” Liam says, before yelling, “Niall, I’m off to Zayn’s, don’t wait up.” Zayn rattles off the address and hangs up, setting the movie up, and getting the popcorn started. 

Within ten minutes, Liam is at her door, holding another bottle of wine. Zayn makes a face at the second bottle while letting her in.

“I figured a bottle wasn't going to be enough if we were going to watch the trilogy. It’s never enough for me.” Liam says, taking off her hoodie and settling on Zayn’s couch. She hands over the bottle of wine to Zayn.

“Thanks bro,” Zayn says, and goes to grab the corkscrew. She feels a strange sensation in her gut at the sight of Liam making herself at home, and thinks about what Perrie said about making a friend. Liam looks up at her and smiles. Zayn smiles back reflexively, and gets the popcorn from the kitchen. 

“Butter and salt?” She yells, and Liam yells back an affirmative. Zayn goes and sits on the opposite end of the couch, both of their legs on the cushion between them, overlapping a bit. Zayn looks over to make sure it’s okay, and Liam looks back with a smile. She has a very contagious smile. Zayn likes it. Zayn turns back to the screen and does her best to focus on Christian Bale. The warmth of Liam’s shins on her feet keeps her blushing throughout the marathon. 

 

*******************

Zayn has never met someone she clicked with so easily and quickly before. After she invited Liam over for the Batman trilogy and woke up with a wine hangover and tangled legs, it’s like she sees Liam all the time. They decide to meet up for coffee every week, because they got along so well the first time, and they talk about everything and anything they think of. Liam snapchats Zayn all the time, even when they’re hanging out together, and they text non-stop. Zayn goes to all of Liam’s games and practices that she can along with the rest of the girls. It’s like Zayn doesn't even have to try, being Liam’s friend is so natural. She almost can’t remember what is was like before she and Liam were friends. 

They go out together a lot too, checking out weird fusion restaurants and new movies. Zayn feels a bit weird about it in the beginning, wondering why Liam was doing all of this with her instead of her girlfriend, but when she brings it up Liam sets her at ease.

“There are things that I want to do with my best friend, and there are things I want to do with my girlfriend. This is something I want to be doing with you. Plus, Sophia doesn't really like all this. She isn’t one for comics, and action movies, and she prefers to stick to foods she knows.” She says as she gestures to the general atmosphere with her chopsticks. It’s the opening night of a new sushi restaurant. Zayn thinks about it, then nods.

“I don't want to do this with anyone else either.” Zayn admits, and Liam smiles widely, white teeth showing. Zayn doesn't bring it up again. 

Of course, her crush on Liam is almost unbearable, and every time they go out, it’s like it gets a little bit worse. Liam is perfect for Zayn. She’s so funny, and gorgeous, and she likes the same things that Zayn does, and Zayn has never understood another person the way that she and Liam understand each other. But Liam is in a serious relationship with someone, who, judging by Liam’s stories, is gorgeous, and kind and funny too. Zayn’s made her peace with it. Well, mostly. It doesn't really matter though, because she would never do anything to mess this up.

 

*******************  
Zayn is sitting in her bedroom when the best idea in the world pops into her head. She rushes out into the living room where Perrie and Jesy are watching Mean Girls together. 

“Alright ladies, put on your fanciest clothes, we’re going to Martino’s.” Perrie stares at her, confused.

“Martino’s, the super posh Italian place?” Perrie asks. Zayn nods at her. 

“The place that was named the number one date location in the school newspaper.” Jesy asks, one perfect eyebrow raised. Zayn nods again. 

“It’s supposed to be really great, and I feel like we haven’t spent that much time hanging out even though we live together, so tonight, we are going to treat ourselves.” Jesy looks confused, but she goes with it, going to her room to get changed. Perrie stays behind. 

“What’s your game, Malik?” She says, hands on her hips. 

“I’m taking you and Jesy to the number one date location around.” Zayn says, with a smirk. “What else is there to understand?”

“Yeah, but you’ll be there too, so it’s not a date is it?” Zayn smiles wider, feeling a bit like the grinch. 

“It is if I leave early because I’m feeling sick.” Zayn says, smug. Perrie’s suspicious face breaks into a grin.

“Have I told you recently that I love you?” Zayn preens from the attention. 

“Maybe, but I like to hear it either way.” Perrie just smiles, and kisses her on the cheek. She goes to her room to change, and Zayn does too. This night is going to be splendid. Hopefully. 

 

*******************

The dinner is not exactly going splendidly. Jesy isn’t really talking that much to Zayn, Perrie has been paralyzed by the vision of Jesy in a tight black dress, and Zayn’s short red dress is actually surprisingly itchy. Still, they do their best to make conversation, and the food is really good. 

Jesy and Perrie are laughing together about some story of Leigh-Ann verbally castrating an idiot who said something rude to her, and Zayn is just looking around the restaurant, people watching. Her eyes slide over a beautiful girl dressed in gold, and then go back. There is something really familiar about her. Zayn narrows her eyes a bit and tries to place the face, but it’s a weird angle and- It’s Liam. 

Zayn blinks a bit, and focuses again, and it’s definitely Liam. Her eyes are not deceiving her. She looks incredible, face made up, and hair in a complicated updo. She’s sitting across from another woman, but Zayn can’t see her face. Zayn stops paying attention to Perrie and Jesy, and just looks at Liam. There’s something off about her, Zayn can’t really place it. Liam’s lips turn up just a bit at the corners, and Zayn finally figures it out. Liam isn’t smiling. 

Whenever Zayn sees Liam, she’s always smiling. Liam constantly tells jokes, and laughs loudly, even when she still has food in her mouth or they're in public places. She has the best smile in the world, lighting up every corner of the room with the force of her happiness. This completely composed girl in an uncomfortable hairstyle doesn’t look like the Liam that Zayn knows. Then again, who is Zayn to decide who Liam is and is not. It’s not like she has any real claim on her. 

“Zayn?” Perrie has been trying to get her attention. Zayn snaps back to herself. 

“Wow, I’m sorry. I’m feeling a bit sick.” Jesy looks a bit disappointed, but immediately moves to stand. “No, no. Don’t leave for me. I’m just going to go back home, you two enjoy yourselves. I don’t want to drag you down.” Perrie and Jesy both smile at her, and Zayn fist pumps the air internally. 

As she moves to get up, she notices Liam’s date stand up and head to the bathroom. Zayn thinks about it, but decides she isn’t going to go say hi to Liam. She doesn't want Liam to think she’s a stalker, and she doesn’t want to interrupt her date. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” Zayn says as she walks up to Liam, kicking herself internally. God, she just has no self-control. Liam jumps a bit, and then looks up to where Zayn is standing at the side of her table. Her eyes widen, and her lips part unconsciously. 

“Zayn?” She breathes out incredulously. This was a terrible idea, why does she do this to herself.

“I’m not stalking you or anything, I just saw you here, and I thought I might come and say hi. I’ve not come to crash your date, I promise.” Zayn says awkwardly. Liam shakes her head.

“No, I didn't think you were. I’m glad you came and said hi. Where’s your date?” Liam asks, looking around. 

“Oh, I’m not on a date, My flatmates are in love with each other without knowing it, so I brought them here under false pretenses, and then I ditched them.” 

“Obviously,” Liam says giggling around the word. There’s the smile that Zayn loves. 

“Okay, I should go before your date decides to fight me for you. You look lovely by the way.” Zayn says and Liam laughs self-consciously. 

“Do I? I feel super uncomfortable, I don't usually wear things like this.” Liam says as she fiddles with her earrings. Zayn nods. 

“You look fantastic. Your girlfriend is one lucky girl.” Zayn says. Liam smiles wider, blushing furiously. 

“You look amazing too Zayn.” Zayn smiles, and feels her cheeks heat up. 

“Of course I do.” Zayn joked. Liam laughs a bit more. “We’re still on for that Daredevil marathon yeah?” Liam nods.

“I’m excited.” Liam says, and she does sound really excited. She seems to be in a much better mood. 

“Me too. Alright, I’m off. See you later, babe.” Liam waves goodbye as Zayn leaves the restaurant. Zayn frowns a bit as she walks to her flat, thinking of how Liam didn’t smile when she was with her girlfriend, and how she smiled so widely when Zayn talked to her. Maybe Liam isn’t as happy with her girlfriend as she acts.

Zayn shakes her head. Even if she is right, it still isn’t any of her business. She pulls out her phone and texts Perrie and Niall. 

to Pezza: “good luck aha :) x” 

to Nialler: can i come over? x

from Nialler: “yea, doors open anytime” 

******************

She walks right into Niall’s flat, not even bothering to knock. Niall is sitting on the couch watching tv, a guitar placed on her lap, casually playing chords. She looks up when Zayn walks in, and smiles widely.

“Did you dress up for me?” Niall asks, in a playful tone, wiggling her eyebrows. Zayn looks back down at her slinky red dress, having forgotten she was wearing it. She falls down next to Niall on the couch.

“Obviously. I always want to impress you with my fabulous body, couldn’t you tell?” Zayn says, batting her eyelashes. Niall wrinkles her nose up a bit. “No, I just came from a fancy dinner.” Zayn looks at Niall’s guitar again. “I didn’t know you played.” 

“Oh yeah I love it. Being able to play an instrument is so useful. It’s super fun at parties, and whenever you’re bored you can just whip it out and play.” Niall gushes as she strums out some chord progressions. 

“Whip it out?” Zayn says, snickering, and Niall shoots her a dirty look. “No, I’m sorry. That’s really cool though. I only sing a bit.” Zayn says. 

“Singing is great, I love singers.” Niall hesitates a bit, before asking, “Have you ever, like, written lyrics or tried to write music?” Her smile is no less bright, but it looks just a bit more shy. Zayn nods.

“Well, yeah, back when all I wanted to do was be a singer. I still really like it, I’m just really shit at writing music. Like I have lyrics, and a kind of tune, but I can't make an instrumental.” Zayn explains, disappointment flooding the syllables. Niall fiddles with her pick a little, biting her lip. She looks up at Zayn, eyes bright.

“I was just wondering, because I have music I wrote but I don’t have lyrics? And I want to write songs, and I was thinking maybe, you and I could-” Zayn cuts her off out of enthusiasm. 

“Absolutely. Of course.” Zayn blurts out. The hesitant look on Niall’s face falls away to be replaced with glee. “Play me something.” Zayn demands, almost vibrating in her excitement. Niall startles a bit.

“What, right now?” She asks, smile bright and beautiful. Zayn loves Niall’s smile.

“Why not?” Zayn responds, and Niall shrugs and starts strumming. She stops suddenly, and says,

“You might want to change into more comfortable clothes if we’re doing this all night.” Zayn winks at her, and Niall hits her on the side. She gets some pajamas from Niall’s room and sits back down on the soft couch, ready to make beautiful music.

Two hours of furious conversations, and lyric and chord changes later, Zayn asks why Niall was so weird about asking if she wanted to write songs together. 

“I don't know. Songs can be personal, and it’s kinda weird to share that . I haven’t really told anyone else about how I want to write music. I love politics, but at the same time, I love music too, and I don't want to jinx it.” Zayn nods in understanding. Of course she gets it, she feels the same way. “I’m glad I told you though.” Zayn reaches out and brushes Niall’s hair back, before kissing her on the cheek. 

“Thank you for trusting me with this,” Zayn says, and the smile Niall shoots at her is as blinding and radiant as the sun.

 

******************

Later, when Niall and Zayn wake up after spending the night feverishly stringing together harmonies and melodies and verses, Zayn realizes Liam never came back home to her flat after her date. 

*******************

 

It's one of the biggest games of the season, and Liam is killing it on the field. Her energy hasn't flagged at all, she's everywhere she needs to be and her passes are always on point. The entire stadium is screaming her name, and Zayn is screaming the loudest, followed closely by Louis. 

It's the end of the fourth quarter and the score is tied 2-2. The audience is waiting with bated breath. Liam gets the ball and Zayn's breath catches in her throat. Liam dribbles the ball, twisting away from the other players with ease. Zayn is rising out of her seat unconsciously, along with everyone else in the stands. Liam passes to Andy, Andy passes back, and Liam shoots, a high arcing shot to the upper left corner of the goal. 

Zayn's heart almost stops. The world is in slow motion. The goalie's hand barely touches the ball, but it isn't enough. The ball hits the back of the net and the crowd goes wild. Liam falls to her knees in the field and her team runs and swarms her, tackling her into a dogpile. Zayn screams and pulls Niall and Louis into a group hug. Harry jumps on all of them and they almost fall over with the force of their enthusiasm. 

There isn't any time for the other team to score, and even if there was, Liam’s team isn't letting them. The clock runs down and the crowd runs onto the field, Zayn and the girls included. 

It's a huge sweaty crush of bodies, but Zayn does her best to try to find Liam in the crowd. Finally she sees Liam looking around for everyone. Louis gets to her first, shoving other people to the side recklessly until she jumps at Liam. Liam hugs her tightly, and then, when Harry comes after apologizing to all the people Louis shoved, Liam hugs both of them. Niall is next and Liam hugs her so tightly her feet fly off the ground. Liam puts her down and then looks around for something or someone. 

When she sees Zayn she stops and a huge smile breaks out on her face, and Zayn feels herself mirror it. She runs into Liam's arms, and Liam catches her and picks her up, spinning her around in circles. Liam is filthy, covered in grass stains and dirt and sweat, and she smells terrible, ninety minutes of constant exertion clinging to her. Zayn holds her closer. Liam finally puts her down after God knows how long, but she doesn't let go of Zayn's waist. Zayn still has her arms around Liam's neck and they just stare at each other, smiling so widely that their cheeks start to ache. 

"Did you see that last goal?" Liam asks.

"Yes of course I saw it, it was brilliant, you were brilliant oh my god, it was amazing!" Zayn gushes and pulls Liam back into another hug. 

"Ugh I'm so gross and sweaty," Liam says pulling back from Zayn. The girls all chorus in agreement, but none of them move. 

"We need a picture." Harry says, and they get a random student to take a picture of them, all flushed and smiling, Zayn and Liam's faces pressed up together. 

"Okay," Louis says, taking charge of the situation, "Liam, go shower, you reek. Meet us back in the parking lot. We're going for pints to celebrate." All the girls let out a cheer at the words, and Liam hugs them once more before running off to shower. 

*******************

They all go out for drinks, and they are in a fantastic mood. Louis keeps jumping at Liam and pulling her head down to mess up her hair, or kiss her cheek. Harry takes tons of pictures of Liam posting them to Instagram with captions like "our fearless warrior" or "the champion of the field and our hearts”. Zayn likes every single one of them. Niall just keeps yelling "that goal though Payno" intermittently, and Liam flushes darker every time. Zayn tucks herself into Liam's side and smiles so hard her cheeks hurt, occasionally shoving Louis away when her efforts to praise Liam actually hurt her. 

When they sit down in the pub Niall and Louis go to get the drinks for all of them. Zayn is sitting warm and comfortable next to Liam who is still smiling. 

"Hey babe, how come I've never seen Sophia at these? Does she leave early or does she sit with other people?" Zayn asks, just realizing that Liam's girlfriend is conspicuously absent from the celebrations. 

"Actually, Sophia doesn't come to my games. She doesn't really like football. At least, not nearly as much as you lot do." Liam says, smile a bit smaller. 

"What do you mean, not as much as we do?" Zayn asks, confused.

"You guys love football!" Liam says. "You come to all the games, and you and Lou even come to the practices." Zayn cannot believe this. 

"Liam, I don't like football that much. Like I don't hate it, but I don't live for it. I don't come to your practices and games because I just love the sport so fucking much." Zayn says, bewildered that Liam could have ever thought that. Liam looks even more confused. 

"Then why do you come?" Liam says, in her puppyish way, and Zayn almost facepalms. 

"For you, you donut! Why else?" Zayn says loudly. Liam stares at her, obviously in shock, before blushing bright red. 

"How did you not realize that?" Harry asks. Liam and Zayn both jump a bit, having forgotten Harry was sitting there.

"What are we yelling at Leemo about now?" Louis says, carrying three drinks. She slides one to Harry and one to Liam. 

"Liam thought we came to all her games because we just love football so much." Harry says, and Louis face is hilarious.

"Are you serious?" Niall asks, and when Liam nods, Louis begins to berate Liam for being such a lovable puppy human with low self-esteem. Niall takes a deep swig of her beer, and Harry just shakes her head, and pets Liam's hair. When Louis' yelling turns into a manageable mutter, Zayn pulls Liam into a side-hug. 

"From now on, just assume we do things involving you because we adore you, how's that?" Zayn whispers into her ear, and Liam somehow flushes darker and nods, huge smile on her face. 

Zayn interrupts Louis' grumbling with a "Cheers for Liam's game winning goal" and the entire table takes a pull of the beer. The rest of the night proceeds in similar fashion. It's a good night.

*******************

 

Harry takes Zayn out to a slam poetry gig in one of Harry’s favorite hipster cafes a few days later. (Louis hugs Zayn tightly when she agrees to go saying “Thank god for you, I hate these and Harry always drags me along.” while Harry sulks.) Zayn falls in love with the atmosphere almost immediately, with the live music in background, the smell of coffee, the obvious camaraderie of the audience and the speakers, with the barely restrained intensity in everyone’s posture, as they wait for the words to ignite them. 

The first speaker delivers a scathing response to every person who has ever catcalled her, and Zayn finds herself nodding, and yelling out words of encouragement, as the speaker's voice gets gradually louder and more cutting. The adrenaline rush she feels after the speaker finishes is the constant of the evening, a high everyone shares and participates in as speaker after speaker stands up and critiques everything from rape culture, to transphobia, and racism. One girl recites a hilarious critique of dress codes by telling everyone how hot her shoulders are, and how guys always react to them. 

Harry goes up close to the end, and talks about falling in love with Louis in a homophobic small town, and the bigotry she faced. Her deep and raspy voice delivers the words with staggering power, all raw emotion. Her voice manages to echo in the cramped room, volume ebbing and flowing like the ocean. The entire room is silent as she speaks, hanging on her every word as she pours her heart out. Zayn realizes she has been holding her breath the entire time, when Harry ends the piece, and everyone in the cafe rises to their feet, whooping and hollering. When Harry get’s back to their table, Zayn pulls her into her side and holds her.

“God, you were incredible! Why doesn’t Louis like watching you perform?” Zayn asks, thinking about how Louis had hugged her when she said she would go instead of her. 

“She used to come a lot, but after I started actually writing and reciting poems, she said she couldn't handle seeing me in pain on the stage.” Zayn understands the sentiment. Her heart had hurt as Harry’s voice cracked and shook and rose with the power of the memories. She can’t imagine how difficult it must be to watch someone she loves recite memories that she was involved in. 

When the second to last speaker stands up, and begins to speak about her experiences growing up in an islamophobic world, Zayn stills, and Harry grabs her hand. Zayn squeezes so hard, she can feel Harry’s bones shifting, but Harry just squeezes back. The words hit so close to home, and Zayn’s chest aches and she can feel the tears gather in her eyes as this stranger somehow touches on all the fear and resentment she has ever felt directed at her. 

When the poem is over, Zayn curls into Harry and rests her head on her shoulder. Harry strokes her back, and presses her lips against Zayn’s forehead, leaving a smear of vanilla lip gloss on Zayn’s temple. The cadence of the last speaker’s words washes over both of them, and Zayn is soothed by the motions of Harry’s hands. Harry doesn't ask questions, doesn't try to engage her in conversation, just makes her feel safe. When the last poem is finished and the still in the cafe is broken by applause and conversation, Zayn straightens up. Harry smiles at her, and Zayn smiles back, although her smile is more watery. 

“Wanna go get some ice cream?” Harry says.

“I would love to.” Zayn responds, and Harry grabs her hand and holds it as they walk to the parlour. 

Zayn accompanies Harry to every other slam poetry gig she can make. 

*******************

Zayn and Liam are halfway through Daredevil on Netflix when Liam meets Perrie for the first time. They are sitting on Zayn’s full-size bed, pressed up together to get a better view of the screen, Liam’s body a warm line along Zayns side, Liam’s arm thrown around Zayn’s shoulders holding her close. Liam is a tactile person by nature, but she’s always very careful about touching Zayn, making sure to not overstep any boundaries. 

It’s a tension-filled moment in the series and Liam and Zayn are subconsciously curling closer to each other with every swell of the music when Zayn’s door flies open and Perrie flies in. Zayn almost flips over the laptop trying to pause it. Perrie is already talking.

“I have a bottle of Tequila, a deck of cards, and whipped cream from the can, want to get laid tonight?” Liam looks traumatized. She obviously wasn’t expecting a gorgeous blonde to come in and proposition her.

“Pez, I have company.” Perrie looks surprised at Liam’s presence on Zayn’s bed, then a slow smile creeps across her face. Zayn hates that smile, it always leads to trouble. 

“Oh, I see. Have fun then, and if you want, the whipped cream is in the fridge.” She winks, and the look on Liam’s face screams discomfort. 

“It’s not like that, babe. Pezza, meet Liam, Liam meet Perrie, the bane of my existence.” The lecherous smile on Perrie turns into a genuine grin. She steps fully into the room and sits at Zayn’s desk.

“Oh this is Liam! It’s so lovely to meet you, Zayn can’t stop talking about you, I feel like I practically know you already.” Liam stops looking so horrified, and offers a smile, albeit a weak one. 

“It’s nice to meet you too. I didn't know you and Zayn had plans, I can leave if you need me to,” Liam starts to say before Perrie cuts her off.

“Oh no, we didn't have plans, I just didn't know Zayn had a friend over. Rain check on the tequila then?” She says to Zayn. Zayn nods and smiles gratefully, and Perrie takes the dismissal for what it was. “I’ll just be in my room. See you later Liam.” She says on her way out of Zayn’s room. Liam echoes the sentiment. 

When the door shuts behind her, Zayn rights the computer, and is about to press play when Liam starts talking.

“Um, so Perrie is your, um, are you two, you know, are you-” Liam stammers out before Zayn takes pity on her. 

“Perrie is my best mate, ex-girlfriend, occasional hookup, and flatmate.” Liam looks overwhelmed, and a bit confused, the way everyone does whenever she explains Perrie. “We got a flat when we were together last year, and Jesy moved in when we needed the extra renter. Then, we broke up, but we stayed friends, and we didn't want to move out, so we just kinda stayed here. Now she’s my best mate, and she’s head over heels in love with Jesy, making our lives a dumb sitcom.”

Liam nods contemplatively, but then asks, “Wait, if she loves Jesy, why does she, you know, hook up with you?” She stumbles over her words as she says hook up, and that’s just adorable. 

“They haven’t told each other how they feel, and while most aspects of my relationship with Perrie were pretty messed up, the sex wasn't. Plus, Jesy gets super jealous, and I’m hoping her jealousy pushes her over the edge and gets her to confess to Perrie. They’re the people I was trying to set up at Martino’s.” Liam’s eyes get big during the speech and when Zayn mentions sex, her blush darkens.

She stays silent long enough that Zayn thinks that it’s safe to press play, “How many best friends do you have?” Apparently not. Zayn turns to Liam and quirks an eyebrow. “It’s just that you said Perrie was your best mate, and like, I know you have best friends from home, and all, and I was just wondering.” Liam says, losing steam towards the end. She’s fiddling with the bedspread underneath them, a purple paisley pattern Zayn’s sisters picked out for her. Zayn is suddenly struck with the thought that Liam might be jealous. 

“Well, I have Perrie, Louis, Niall, and Harry here at uni, Danny and Ant from back home, and I used to be one of Jesy’s best friends, but then she got very distant when Perrie broke up with me.” Zayn lists. Liam is still fiddling with the duvet. 

“And, do I fit in anywhere there?” Her voice is so small. Zayn’s heart aches a little bit. She remembers what Liam told her about her childhood, when she didn't have many friends. 

“Well, obviously,” Liam glances up at that, “but it’s a bit different right. Because, I love that lot, don't get me wrong, but you’re special.” Liam stops pretending to mess with the bedspread, the beginnings of a smile on her face. “They’re my best mates, but you’re my favorite.” Liam’s smile is radiant. It’s like watching a sunrise, brightening all the corners of her face, and making Zayn’s entire body feel warm and safe. 

Liam bites her lip and looks down again, and then, in a low voice says, “You’re my favorite too.” She looks up in a panic at that, “But you can’t tell Louis, she’ll challenge you to a duel to the death.” Zayn laughs loudly at that, imagining tiny Louis throwing a gauntlet at her feet. “Don’t laugh, she is small but she is vicious, and she isn’t afraid to bite and scratch.” Zayn laughs harder, and Liam joins in after a second, letting Zayn lean on her for support. Eventually they calm down, and Zayn reaches forward to play the episode.

“Wait, Zayn.” Zayn actually groans, 

“What now?” She says, drawing out the syllables to emphasize her displeasure.

“It’s just that, I quite like snacks, during movies, and I heard that there was whipped cream somewhere in this flat.” She smiles impishly at Zayn, and Zayn can never resist that. She closes her laptop and jumps off the bed, offering a hand to Liam. Liam smiles at the hand for a second, before grabbing it, leveraging herself off the bed. Zayn leads her to the kitchen. Liam doesn't let go of her hand. 

 

*******************

Zayn has her head on Louis’ stomach as they stare at the ceiling with dopey smiles on their faces. Louis has Zayn’s hair in one hand, and the joint in the other, idly running her hand through Zayn’s long hair, gently scratching at the shaved parts. They ate all the crisps in the flat, but that was to be expected. That’s why Harry has so many snacks she never eats. Harry is amazing.

“Damn straight she is.” Louis says. Oh, Zayn is talking out loud again. “Yes, you are.” Louis confirms. Zayn giggles a little bit, getting off Louis’ stomach to fall next to her, turning on her side to look at Louis’ face. 

“I have a question.” Zayn says, in the most focused voice she can muster. Louis quirks an eyebrow at her, which is amazing considering just how high she is. How high they both are. Zayn stares at Louis’ eyebrows for a bit longer before Louis clears her throat impatiently. 

“You had a question?” Louis says, when Zayn looks at her confused. 

“Oh yeah.” Zayn says, remember what she wanted to ask. “How did you know you were in love with Harry?” Louis opens her eyes really wide and looks up at the ceiling. She takes a long pull from the joint and exhales it slowly, brow furrowed contemplatively. 

“I had this huge crush on Harry for the longest time before we got our shit together, you know?” Louis begins, and Zayn resolves to not speak, to just listen, because she gets the feeling this is something very personal that Louis is sharing with her. “And, I would get these crazy butterflies whenever she was around. Like, for a while, I was legitimately worried I had like, some kind of stomach disease, or heartburn or something.” Zayn giggles at that, imagining a younger Louis looking up symptoms online.

“But, when we started to get our shit together, and finally started to click and understand each other, it changed. Like, the butterflies didn't leave for good, I still have them sometimes, but, I’m never nervous. It’s like, the absence of nerves.” Louis’ voice gets dreamy and slow, sweet like honey or syrup. “Whenever she’s with me, I feel like I’m safe and warm. I get calmer and more centered. She’s my home.” Zayn stares at the side of Louis’ face for a little bit, before saying in her most deadpan voice,

“That’s really deep Lou.” The dreaminess slides off of Louis’ face, quickly replaced with a scowl.

“Fuck off, you’re the one who asked.” She gripes as she pouts, and Zayn rolls onto her.

“No, no I’m sorry.” Zayn says, half on top of Louis. Louis is still frowning, so Zayn pokes her in the side until she giggles reluctantly. “That really is amazing. You guys are so lucky you found each other.”

“We really are. I can’t imagine my life without her.” Louis says. Zayn smiles sadly, and rests her head on Louis’ shoulder. Zayn has never felt like that about anyone in her life. “Hey, Zayn. You’re gonna find your person. Okay? You’re going to find your home.” Louis says, and Zayn smiles into Louis’ shirt. 

The door flies open, and Harry and Niall walk in. They stop and stare at the crisp wrappers littered around Zayn and Louis on the carpeted floor. 

"Are you high?" Harry asks incredulously. "Without me?" She says a bit louder. Zayn snickers as Louis stammers out an explanation. Niall just sits down on the floor by them, sighing in relief a little bit. Zayn rolls off of Louis and sits up, leaning back against the couch.

"Vas happenin babe?" Zayn asks. Niall shakes her head, yawning, a bit before leaning on Zayn’s shoulder. 

“I’m just a bit tired. There are some melodies that I’m figuring out. I just need some time to chill, you know what I mean?” Niall says, in a soft lilting voice. Zayn pulls her closer into her side and kisses her temple.

“Why don't you just relax right now, and in a bit, I can come over and we can work on the melodies together?” Niall nods against Zayn’s shoulder, eyes already drooping, small smile on her face as she nuzzles closer into Zayn’s neck.. 

"We need to get Liam over here, it doesn't feel right when it's just the four of us." Harry says, from her spot on the floor. While Zayn had moved to Niall, Harry had moved next to Louis where they both sit cuddled up. All four girls pull out their phones and text Liam. 

Five minutes later, Liam walks into the room and stares at all of them on the floor, still surrounded by crisp wrappers. 

"That was fast." Niall says in a slow voice. Liam shakes her head. 

"No, I was already on my way over. You guys all know you have a perfectly serviceable couch right next to you, right? Like, you don't have to sit on the floor." Niall doesn't move, and Zayn doesn't want to dislodge her so she doesn't either. Harry makes a feeble effort to stand, but Louis clings to her too tightly. Liam stares at them in bemusement. 

"You guys are ridiculous." Liam says, and proceeds to sit right in the middle of them, wedging into the narrow space between Zayn and Louis, a puzzle piece slotting perfectly. Once seated, she pulls Zayn close to her, pulling her legs across her own so Zayn is practically in her lap. Niall makes a grumpy noise and shifts so she's leaning against Zayn's back instead of her shoulder. Liam rests one hand on Zayn's ankle and strokes the skin there absentmindedly, reaching her other arm behind Zayn to play with Niall’s hair.

Ever since Zayn initiated contact with the outstretched hand during the Daredevil marathon, Liam has been much more tactile. It feels like Liam was just waiting for Zayn to be okay with contact, and once she was, Liam didn't have to hold back. Liam never touches her in anything more than a completely platonic gesture, but she’s also always touching her. An arm around Zayn when they sit next together, or linked arms when they walk together to their classes or their weekly coffee. Their legs brushing each other or ankles hooked together under the table when they go to weird restaurants. Full body hugs and forehead kisses. 

"You were already on your way over?" Zayn asks. Liam sighs a bit, closing her eyes. 

"Just a bit of a fight with Sophia. It's not a big deal." Liam says, turning to look Zayn in the eyes. Their faces are so close together. 

Zayn clears her throat and says, "As long as you're okay," resting her head on Liam's shoulder. 

Niall makes a soft sleepy noise against Zayn's back, and Louis and Harry are talking quietly in the background, and Liam is solid along her side. Zayn remembers the days when she barely had anyone and something warm rises in her chest as she thinks about her girls. Her beautiful amazing family, that chose her, that she chose. 

She doesn't want to lose this. She can’t. 

*******************

 

Niall and Zayn start doing small coffeehouse performances without telling the other girls, just to build up confidence, and the response is amazing. People love them, and they love it. Standing on the small stages, singing her feelings, things that she wrote with Niall, Zayn feels the most powerful she ever has in her life. 

When they start getting more recognition, they decide to tell the other girls. Louis is predictably outraged that she wasn’t consulted since the beginning, but she calms down when Harry talks over her, saying how excited she is to see them play. Liam smiles widely at them, unfailingly supportive.

“Our biggest performance so far is in a couple of weeks. It would be amazing if you guys came.” Niall says, smile wide. Everyone agrees, Louis yelling about how she’s going to bring pom poms and wear a tshirt with their faces on it, Harry already texting all her artsy friends about it and telling them to come.

Zayn turns to Liam, and Liam smiles at her.

“Of course I’m coming Zayn. I can’t wait to see you perform.” Liam says, and Zayn’s entire body feels warm and fuzzy. “Let me just see if Sophia wants to come.” Liam adds, and it’s like a bucket of cold water, an unexpected slap in the face. Zayn forces down the bitter feeling in her throat, and does her best to smile convincingly at Liam. Liam makes a confused face at Zayn’s obviously forced smile, but Niall intercepts her, pulling her into a bear hug. Liam can never resist a bear hug, especially not one from Niall. 

Zayn turns to Harry and falls into her lap, and Harry asks no questions, just kisses the side of her head. 

 

*******************

On one of Zayn and Liam’s weekly coffee meetups, Liam brings up her relationship. 

“I’m just feeling like me and Sophia aren’t really working anymore. We both still like each other, and we’ve been together for a while, but it just doesn't feel the same.” Zayn stays silent, and stirs her coffee. She is not emotionally prepared for this conversation. “I don't know. We’ve both changed so much. Louis thinks we should break up, but Harry and Niall aren’t saying anything.” Zayn just nods and sips her latte. “What do you think?” Zayn’s eyes widen. She was hoping to escape this conversation unscathed. 

“Um. I think the decision should be between you and Sophia.” Zayn says, doing her best to get out of the conversation. Liam narrows her eyes at her. 

“Come on Zayn. That’s a cop out and you know it. You're my best mate. My favorite. I want to hear your thoughts.” Zayn screams internally. Liam using the “My favorite” thing was just uncalled for. 

Zayn says, in a very hesitant voice, “I do mean it, this is between you and Sophia. But, if you aren’t happy, then a relationship is pretty useless isn’t it? Well, not useless, but like. Why would you be in a relationship if you weren’t happy? So, I guess if I was you, I would think, what really makes me happy. And if that isn’t Sophia, then what’s the point?” Liam is staring at her, brow furrowed. She smiles suddenly, half wistful, half bitter.

“To be honest, the happiest I’ve been all week has been when I was with you.” Zayn’s heart leaps into her throat, and her breath catches. Liam doesn't notice, too focused on stirring her hot chocolate. She jerks suddenly, like she’s shaking something off. She pastes on a bright smile as if Zayn can’t tell it’s fake. 

“Enough about me. What’s been going on with you?” Liam says in a falsely cheery voice. Zayn narrows her eyes at her, just long enough to let Liam know that she isn’t fooled, before going into a story about an asshole that tried to hit on Niall and her after one of their performances. Liam laughs and gasps at all the right places, but Zayn can tell Liam’s mind is somewhere else. She puts her hand on Liam’s on the table. Liam turns it over to hold Zayn’s hand instinctively.

“Babe, it’s going to be okay. No matter what. And whatever you do, you know I’ve got you yeah?” Liam nods, then smiles at her. They sit like that, hand in hand until they leave. 

 

*******************

Things start changing on one of Jesy, Perrie and Zayn’s club outings. The evening starts as usual, one of them, Perrie this time, decides they’re all going to go out and get plastered, and the other two cancel whatever they’ve got going on, and go out with them. It was one of the rules of the flat in the beginning, when all of them hung out regularly and luckily, the tradition stayed.

Jesy is friends with the DJ, Jade, so they get to bypass the line completely. Zayn’s favorite bartender, Raj, a heavily tattooed guy with big dimples, is on shift. He always has the best stories of the crazy things drunk people do, and when Zayn isn’t really looking to get laid, she just chills at the bar with him. She makes her way to the bar and sits down heavily. Raj looks over and dimples when he sees her, walking over. 

“Zayn! What’s your poison?” He asks.

“Just fuck me up.” She says, and he laughs out loud. 

“Bad week?” He asks, and she waves her hand in a so-so way. He nods, and fixes her a Long Island Ice Tea. She smiles gratefully, and takes a generous sip. “Wanna tell me about it? I hear that telling your stories to the bartender is the number one way to raise your spirits.” She smiles at him, but then says. 

“Nah, I think you should be the one to entertain me tonight.” He nods, and then launches into a story about two girls who were fighting over the same guy, only to end up going home with each other. She gets invested really quickly, and doesn't notice Perrie calling for her halfway through the story, until Raj gestures. 

“Shit, Zayn, didn't you hear me?” Perrie says. She is a vision tonight, tight white strapless dress and heavy eyeliner with miles of skin showing. Zayn may be a little tipsy. 

“Sorry, I was chilling with Raj, didn’t realize it was you. What’s going on?” Zayn says, noticing the upset look on Perrie’s face. Perrie just gestures to her side, on the other end of the club, where Jesy is obviously hitting on another girl. To add insult to injury, it’s a blonde, and not even a natural blonde. Zayn winces.

“Do you want to go dance? Get your mind off this whole clusterfuck of a situation?” Zayn asks. Perrie perks up, and Zayn swivels on the the stool. “Okay, we’ll finish this story later.” Raj nods, smiles, and then moves to another customer. 

Perrie leads her onto the dance floor, into the crush of bodies. The music is louder the further into the crowd they get and Zayn feels the beat thrumming through her body, settling into her bones. Perrie’s hands land on her hips, moving them in tempo. The lights make her eyes glow an unearthly color, and Zayn is mesmerized, the alcohol making her just the slightest bit reckless. Their bodies undulate with the beat, moving against each other. Zayn loves dancing with Perrie, loves how Perrie knows her so well, how they can just have fun together.

The music speeds up, and so do they, hips rocking together. Perrie spins Zayn around in her arms, and Zayn lets her head fall on Perrie’s shoulder as Perrie’s hands roam her body. They keep moving against each other, and the next time Zayn opens her eyes, she notices a crowd of people just watching them. She nudges Perrie, and when Perrie looks up she laughs too. Zayn’s eyes scan the crowd, and suddenly they land on some familiar faces. She pulls from Perrie a bit, and Perrie lets her go, grabbing another girl from the crowd and pulling her towards her. Zayn giggles at the look on the girl's face, a mix between awe and arousal. Perrie can have that effect. 

“Hey, I didn't know you guys were coming here!” She says to Harry, Niall, Louis and Liam. Harry and Louis look ecstatic to see Zayn, and Niall looks pleased too. Liam’s face is pinched though, and she keeps on looking at Perrie and grinding her teeth. They move over to a table together, further from the music to hear each other better.

“Yeah, well, we did come to cheer Liam up, but after seeing you and Perrie dancing, Louis and Harry can’t stop touching each other,” It’s true, Harry’s eyes are glassy, and her hands keep roaming Louis’ body, and Louis doesn't seem to be opposed, “so they’re going to be heading home soon, like the animals they are.” Niall says in a deadpan voice. “And, to be quite honest, too many assholes have been hitting on me tonight. I’m gonna head home, maybe get some Nandos on the way.” Zayn hugs her in sympathy. She feels so loose, the drinks and the dancing lowering her inhibitions. Harry and Louis excuse themselves, and so does Niall with a kiss to Liam and Zayn’s cheeks. It’s just Liam and Zayn now. 

“Why did everyone need to cheer you up?” Zayn asks. Liam sits down at the table, and Zayn sits across from her, bare legs bumping against each other. 

“I got into a fight with Sophia, and I was moping. You were invited, but you cancelled to hang out with Perrie I guess.” Liam’s voice drips with venom when she says Perrie’s name. 

“Yeah, it’s a flatmate rule, if someone says we’re going out, we have to cancel all plans and go for it. I’m glad we got to meet up though.” Zayn explains, smile slowly fading. Liam just nods. She still seems upset, and she won’t look Zayn in the eye. “Liam, what’s going on?” 

“Why do you let Perrie use you like that?” Liam blurts out. Zayn startles at that. Liam sounds legitimately angry. 

“What do you mean ‘use me’? Perrie doesn't use me.” Zayn says, confused. Liam scoffs at that, and Zayn raises her eyebrows.

“Please. She’s in love with someone else, but she still has sex with you. She dances with you like that, and the second you move away she’s dancing with another girl. She’s leading you on.” Liam says, as if trying to get Zayn to see the light. Zayn actually laughs at that. 

“What do you mean ‘leading me on’? We hook up sometimes because the sex is fun, and it’s easier than having to go out. Even if I was still secretly in love with her, I know exactly what I’m doing, and how she feels. Liam, you’re acting ridiculous. Have you been drinking?” Liam doesn't answer, just pushes her jaw forwards stubbornly. 

“I still don't think you can dance with anyone like that and call yourself just mates.” Liam says, like she’s announcing a law of nature. 

“Why not? We’re mates, aren’t we Liam?” Zayn asks in a challenging tone. Liam leans back in shock.

“Of course. Best mates.” Zayn almost smiles at Liam's words, but continues, leaning forwards.

“Let’s dance.” Zayn says resolutely. Liams eyes widen, and she suddenly looks hesitant. The song changes to a slower song with dirty lyrics, and a dirtier bass line. “Unless you think our friendship can’t survive one song.” Liam narrows her eyes at Zayn's obvious baiting, but she gets off her chair, pulling Zayn back to the floor. She steps back and lets Zayn lead, following close behind, her hands on Zayn’s hips. Her breath is hot on Zayn’s neck, and Zayn instinctively arches her neck to give her easier access. 

“I thought you wanted to dance,” Liam whispers in her ear and Zayn shivers. She feels Liam smirk against her ear, and she gets hot all over, irritation and arousal fighting for control. So that’s how Liam wanted to play it. Zayn rolls her hips backwards, grinding into Liam. She turns her head so she can see Liam’s mouth fall open a bit and her eyes get dark. 

“Are we not?” She says, in a teasing voice, and smirks when Liam growls a bit. She didn't know Liam growled, that was way hotter than it should be. Liam spins her around roughly, easily manhandling her, and Zayn gasps a bit. She pulls Zayn’s hips to hers until their bodies are pressed together, face to face, chest to chest. Together they move to the beat, a slow rolling wave as they pull and push each other, Liam’s hands moving along her sides, and back, Zayn’s hands knotted in Liam’s twisted updo, messing it up. 

This doesn’t feel anything like how she was dancing with Perrie. With Perrie it was fun, they were dancing together because they could, and because they were good at it. With Liam, she feels like she has something to prove. They move together purposefully, learning how they like it, learning each other. The feel of Liam’s skin pressed up against hers is intoxicating, and Zayn doesn't know how she’s going to let go. 

Liam is progressively loosening up, the more she moves with Zayn, and she looks happier than how she was when she was when Zayn first spotted her. Her lips are painted a daring shade of bright red, and every time she smiles a bit, Zayn can’t help but look at the red against the white of her teeth and the pink of her tongue. It doesn't feel like a competition to see who can get the first to cop out like the twisted game of chicken earlier anymore. 

Zayn looks up at Liam’s eyes, and catches her staring at Zayn’s lips. Zayn licks her lips unconsciously, and Liam visibly swallows. Her hands lock around Zayn’s hips, pressing hard enough to leave bruises.Their eyes lock, and Liam’s pupils are so dilated, Zayn can barely see the brown around the black. Liam leans in just a bit, and Zayn angles her head. Zayn can feel the warm air against her lips and her eyelids flutter closed.

The song changes. 

Zayn and Liam fly apart, Zayn untangling her hands from Liam’s hair as quickly as she can, Liam letting go of her hips like they are hot coals. Zayn can see the evidence on Liam, her hair messed up from her hands, her top wrinkled, and her mini skirt pushed further up her thighs almost to the point of indecency. Zayn can tell that she’s in a similar state.

“I need to. I need to go.” Liam says, and then she turns and goes, pushing through the undulating bodies, leaving Zayn alone. 

Zayn walks back to the bar and sits down. Raj sets a shot of tequila in front of her. She smiles up at him, and he smiles sympathetically at her.

“You saw that didn't you?” Zayn asks wincing a little. He nods.

“It looked pretty complicated from where I was standing. Hot, but complicated.” Zayn laughs a little. “Although,” he continues, “if you’re looking for uncomplicated, and you swing my way, then my shift ends in ten minutes.” Zayn looks at him, and he looks steadily back. 

“I swing both ways. You?” 

“Same.” Zayn smiles.

“You have to promise you won’t be awkward about it when I come back to the bar.” He crosses his fingers in front of his heart. “Then give me a coke, and I’ll see you in ten minutes.” He dimples at her, and tosses her a coke. She pays for the drinks, and waits. At least some part of this night has been salvageable. 

 

*******************

Zayn wakes up with a manageable hangover. She moves to the kitchen, and sees the note Raj left her. 

“Hit me up for more uncomplicated fun if u want.” with a big smiley face and a number beneath it. She smiles as she reads it, and is about to save his number in her phone when she notices she has two new voicemails. She clicks the first one.

“Zayn, it’s me, Liam, I just.. her hands were on you, and I lost control, but I just can’t.. this is so important, and you’re so important, and I can’t ever lose you, I wouldn't do anything if it meant losing you, and I. just. I’m so sorry.” Zayn’s breath catches in her throat. She clicks the second one, hoping for some kind of explanation, some kind of context.

“Hey, Zayn, it’s me Liam. Listen I don’t really know what happened last night, but I know that I was drunk, we met up at the club, and at some point after that I called you. I’m really sorry for anything dumb I did, I’m a terrible drunk. Um, the real reason I called was just to tell you me and Sophia decided to try, so. She’s going to be hanging out with the group a lot to try to get us back on track. ”

Zayn stands there, phone in hand, for a few more seconds, before getting an Aspirin, and going back to bed. She couldn't believe that Liam would- Never mind. If Liam is going to forget last night happened, so is she. 

 

*******************

 

Zayn is napping on a bench when Sophia comes around the first time. She was dozing listening to the conversations around her, some dumb argument between coffee and tea. The conversation cuts off, and a bit of tension fills the air. Zayn opens her eyes, blinking as the figure of a beautiful woman staring at Zayn, probably waiting to be acknowledged. Her eyes are narrowed the tiniest bit, and Zayn realizes who this is. Sophia. The girlfriend. And Zayn is the best friend Liam spends a lot of time with. The best friend who is single, attracted to women, and who Sophia doesn't know at all. 

Zayn lets a slow smile creep over her face as she looks at Sophia. She sits up slowly, careful to make her posture look the slightest bit predatory, and looks Sophia up and down, clearly checking her out. 

“Hello.” She draws out the syllables, then licks her lips. Louis’s eyes widen, and she elbows Niall. Sophia looks taken aback, knocked a bit off balance. Perfect.

“Zayn Malik,” Zayn says, extending her hand.

“Sophia Smith,” Sophia responds, placing her hand in Zayn’s. Instead of shaking her hand, Zayn pulls it forwards gently and kisses Sophia’s knuckles. Sophia’s cheeks turn pink, and Niall’s hands fly over her mouth. Louis is beating Harry’s side with her fists, and Harry looks like she is going to die of laughter. Liam clears her throat loudly, but Zayn ignores her. 

“It’s a pleasure, Sophia. That’s a beautiful name.” Zayn says, looking through her eyelashes. Sophia opens her mouth a couple times, but no sound comes out. Liam makes a noise of protest. “Not now.” Zayn says as an aside, and Harry buries her face in Louis’ hair, shoulders heaving with laughter. Louis looks like she’s about to have an aneurysm. Zayn continues, “You know, Liam has told us all how gorgeous you are, but to be honest, I never really believed her until just now.” The mention of Liam’s name, snaps Sophia back to reality. 

“Wow, thank you. Um, it’s lovely to meet you too. Liam talks about you a lot.” Sophia says, blush still high on her cheeks. Zayn pats the seat between Liam and herself, gesturing for Sophia to sit. She sits down, and Zayn places her arm on the back of the bench. 

Louis speaks up at that. “Okay, I realize that Zayn is a charming bastard, but before she seduces you away from your girlfriend, please understand that Zayn pulls this with everyone.” Zayn feigns outrage.

“Excuse me, that’s definitely a lie.” Zayn tries to defend herself. Now Harry speaks up, visibly getting over the aftershocks of her laughter

“The first thing you said to me was a pickup line.” Harry says, fighting the aftershocks of her laughter. Zayn makes a face of betrayal. Sophia starts laughing now, curling comfortably into Liam’s side. Zayn fights off the pang in her stomach. 

“And then when Harry told you that I was her girlfriend you proposed a threesome.” Louis adds, and Zayn nods begrudgingly at that. Sophia laughs harder, and then Niall joins in. 

“And then, after Louis turned you down,” she says between fits of laughter, “ you turn to me and ask me to console you,” and everyone starts laughing at her. Zayn rolls her eyes, and joins in a bit, but only after noticing that Liam’s laughs are half-hearted. Sophia turns to Liam after they get over the laughing fit, and says, in a voice with a slight edge, 

“And how did Zayn flirt with you?” Liam raises her eyebrows, and laughs a little. 

“Oh, yeah, Zayn didn't flirt with me actually. We just kinda talked about comics.” She laughs a little more at that. Sophia kisses her cheek, and settle back into Liam’s side. She turns to face Zayn, smiles and then nods, and Zayn smiles back. Zayn isn’t a threat anymore. 

Niall watches the interaction, and when Zayn turns to look at her, her eyes are wide. She doesn't say anything though, and when Louis starts up the coffee vs tea arguement again, everyone joins in. They sit like that, conversation flowing easily until Liam looks down at her phone, and tells everyone,

“Sophia and I actually need to go. We have reservations pretty soon.” Sophia nods, and they both stand up together. 

“It was really fun hanging out with you guys, and it was great to meet you Zayn.” Sophia says, smiling. Liam goes to give everyone her customary hug goodbye, but skips Zayn. Zayn does her best not to try and analyze that.

“Are you guys coming to our show?” Niall calls out to them, and Liam and Sophia both agree enthusiastically. 

As soon as the two are out of earshot, Louis starts clapping, and Niall follows suit. Zayn groans. 

“Stop it.” She says. 

“That was brilliantly executed, honestly, have you considered a career in drama?” Louis says, and Zayn rolls her eyes. 

“In all seriousness, that was unexpected, but it worked. Sophia doesn’t have to worry about you.” Niall says. 

“Oh, so you all picked up on that little tension?” Zayn says.

“Oh yeah,” Harry replies. “Everyone except Liam of course. She remains cheerfully oblivious. But, Zayn, you might need to apologize to her.” Zayn winces.

“I know. I really laid it on thick, I just needed to get the message across.” Niall makes a commiserating noise. “I dodged a bullet, but I still managed to fuck up?” Zayn asks, just to clarify. They all pause and then make vague noises of affirmation. “Fuck, someone needs to cuddle me.” As a unit, all three girls move to smother Zayn on the narrow bench. 

Zayn loves them a lot. 

*******************

 

Things get weirder with Liam. She acts distant, and she stops going out with Zayn for movies or anything really. Her responses to her texts and calls are terse. Zayn knows that she did something wrong, but she doesn't know how to fix it. Luckily, Liam doesn’t cancel on their weekly coffee. 

They reach Cup D’etat at the same time, and place their usual orders. They sit at their regular table and don’t speak. The silence is heavy and uncomfortable, but Liam doesn't make a sound, just fiddles with her cup. Zayn breaks first,

“I’m really sorry, Liam.” Liam looks up at that, obviously shocked. “I shouldn’t’ve acted like that with Sophia, I just got nervous, and that’s my defense mechanism for new people, and I couldn’t stop myself, and I know that isn’t an excuse-” 

“Zayn, no, you don’t need to apologize for that. I mean, in the future, maybe don't try to seduce my girlfriend in front of me, but like. I wasn’t angry at you or anything because of that. I know you were just joking.” Zayn can feel her face crinkle up in confusion.

“If you weren’t angry with me because of that, why were you? And don’t say nothing’s wrong, you’ve been weird for a while.” Liam looks like she’s contemplating running, but eventually just sighs, and slumps in her chair.

“It’s so stupid. I wasn’t angry at all, I was just. You’re going to laugh at me.” Zayn glares. “It’s just. You flirted with everyone except me. And I felt, not jealous, but. I thought maybe you thought I was ugly or something, and I felt weird, because like, I’m surrounded by Louis and Harry who are amazing, and my girlfriend is beautiful, and Niall is basically irresistible, and when I saw you I literally thought you were a supermodel, and. It’s dumb I know. But, I felt, like I didn't really fit in. I don't know. That’s why I was avoiding you.”

Zayn just stares at her. “Zayn?” Zayn keeps staring. “Zayn, can you please say something?” Zayn starts laughing incredulously.

“You thought that I didn't hit on you because I thought you were ugly?” She laughs harder. 

Liam pouts at her coffee. “I told you you would laugh at me.” Zayn tries to control herself.

“No, babe, no I’m not laughing at you, I promise. It’s just that, that’s literally the opposite of what happened.” Liam makes a face.

“What?” She asks, looking really confused.

“Do you remember that day?” Liam nods, still looking confused. “Oh god, this is so embarrassing. You came up, and you were wearing an almost see-through Wonder Woman tank top and short shorts, and you were glowing. I literally forgot how to speak English.” Liam’s eyes are wide, and she looks stunned. 

“I’m not joking. I didn’t remember how to speak, much less how to hit on a hot girl, so I just didn't.” Liam is giggling now, and Zayn is laughing a bit too. “And then you were talking to me about comics, and I didn't have an opportunity to flirt, and in an extraordinary fuck-you from the universe, two seconds before I was going to ask you out, you got a text from your girlfriend.” Zayn starts giggling on the last couple lines, and Liam is blushing so hard her face resembles a tomato. She’s smiling though, and that’s all Zayn really wanted.

“Wait, is that why you didn’t call me for that week?” Liam asks, and Zayn nods grimacing. “Oh, god, I thought I had offended you or something, I was so happy when you agreed to hang out.” Zayn shakes her head.

“No, the problem was that you were too wonderful. Literally the fittest, coolest girl I had ever met. Still are.” Liam blushes harder somehow, and her smile threatens to overtake her entire face. “You were super cool though, so I decided to just get over myself. Best decision I ever made. I got a best friend out of it.” Liam bites her lip suddenly, forehead creased. “What’s up babe?”

“Oh, nothing, I was just thinking, things could be so different if Sophia didn't text me, or if I wasn’t with Sophia when we met. Or if we met earlier.” Liam smiles absently, and Zayn feels her heart skip a beat. Liam stays silent for a couple more beat, but then shakes her head and refocuses on Zayn. “It doesn't matter. I wouldn’t try to change what we have here in a million years. You’re too important.” She says beaming. 

“Me neither.” Zayn says, and comes really close to meaning it. Then, in a couple seconds, “Wait, you thought I was a supermodel?” Liam blushes harder. 

*******************

Sophia hanging out with them changes things. Instead of Zayn curling up next to Liam and poking her, she curls up into Niall, and Niall pets her hair whenever Sophia and Liam get really sappy together. Liam doesn't ignore her or anything, but the loss of Liam’s naturally tactile nature feels like a blow to Zayn. She isn’t jealous though, can’t allow herself to be, because she never had Liam to begin with. 

The other girls are different too. Louis openly dislikes Sophia for reasons unknown, but she covers it up when Sophia is with them. When questioned about it, she only says “Nothing against her, but she’s not right for Liam,” and refuses to say anything else. Harry is tactfully neutral, not as open as she is when it's just the five of them, but not unwelcoming. Niall is cheerful and helps Zayn and Liam include Sophia in discussions. The dynamic is off, but not horrible. 

Louis has known about Zayn’s feelings from the start, and she must have told Harry about them too, because they send sympathetic looks at Zayn whenever Sophia comes around, and Zayn does her best to ignore them. Sophia is perfectly lovely. Zayn doesn't resent her, or actively feel like shit no matter what Louis thinks. 

It’s not like she lost Liam, they still do their weekly coffee meetups, and they do superhero nights, she’s not missing Liam or anything. It’s just, when Sophia wasn’t there, almost all of Liam’s attention was on Zayn and making her laugh or smile. And now it’s not. And Zayn misses that a bit. Misses her best mate. Her favorite. 

Sometimes though, Liam and Sophia will have a fight, and Liam will sit by Zayn, and she’ll curl into her. Sophia stays away those times, hanging out with other people. Zayn feels a bit guilty, and she knows that Liam is probably feeling like shit, but Liam is there, a lovely warm presence next to Zayn, and she’ll talk to her and say funny things, or nap on her shoulder, and Zayn can’t help but to look forward to the next time Liam will sit next to her, no matter the circumstances.

*******************

Zayn is lying down with her head in Louis’ lap getting a head massage after their lunch when Liam staggers to their benches, followed by Sophia, both of them obviously in a bad mood. Zayn sits up and sends a significant look to Niall, across from her, and almost cackles when Niall rolls her eyes so far back into her head she could develop nerve damage. Louis notices the stifled giggle, and laughs at the expression on Niall’s face too. 

“I don't know what is going on with you Liam, but you need to snap out of it. You’ve been a pain all day.” Sophia says, obviously cross. Harry snickers a bit, and mouths ‘Payne’ at the other three girls, met with groans from Louis and Zayn and giggles from Niall. Louis gets Zayn. “First, you don’t go on your run, you almost oversleep, and then you act like a bitch because I woke you up, and now you just won’t talk to me.” 

“I’m not talking to you because all you do is yell at me.” Liam says back in a very subdued voice. Now that’s off. Liam doesn't sound angry or stubborn, she sounds like she’s in pain. 

“Trouble in paradise, ladies?” Louis says, always willing to stir up drama. Classic theatre major.

“Fuck off, Lou.” Liam says, a bit more heat in her voice, as she collapses onto Zayn’s other side. Zayn instinctively puts an arm around her and pulls her close. Liam closes her eyes and makes a small pained noise as she burrows into Zayn’s side. Zayn freaks out a little bit internally, this isn’t normal for Liam. 

“Are you okay babe?” Zayn asks. Liam nods, face still tucked into Zayn’s side. 

“I just have a bit of a headache. And I’m cold.” Liam is bundled up warmly in a jacket in moderate weather. She should be burning. Pieces start coming together in Zayn’s head.

“Have you eaten today? Where’s your lunch?” Zayn asks searching her bag for some crackers while doing her best not to dislodge Liam. The other girls are paying attention to them now, their hushed conversation, and Liam’s confession of a headache making better entertainment than whatever it was that they were talking about before. Sophia in particular is probably wondering why Liam isn’t being rude to Zayn.

“I’ve lost my appetite answering your questions.” She says in a testy voice. Ah, there it is. Harry winces, and Sophia looks a bit vindicated. Zayn doesn’t say anything, just strokes Liam’s side. “And I feel really nauseous. I don't think I can keep anything down.” Liam continues in a small miserable voice when she realizes Zayn isn’t taking the bait. Louis hisses in sympathy.

“Why didn't you mention this earlier?” Sophia says a bit loudly. Liam whimpers. Sophia lowers her voice, “Sorry, I forgot about the headache.” 

Zayn nudges Liam up and gives her the peanut butter crackers she keeps in her bag for emergencies. She feels Liam’s forehead with the back of her hand, and nods grimly. 

“Li, you’re burning up. You have a fever, you shouldn’t be out here, you should be resting. Eat the crackers.” Liam starts to protest, but shuts up when Zayn glares at her. Zayn is an older sister, she knows how to handle patients. “Louis and Harry, can you go to the nearest supermarket and get some soup and crackers and whatever you like when you’re sick. Niall, take Liam back to your flat, she needs to be asleep. Sophia, you help her.” Zayn doesn't often use her older sister voice, but when she does, it always works like a charm.

Sure enough all the girls jump to attention, Harry already asking Siri for common fever remedies, and Louis doing her best to remember what she gave her sisters when they were sick. Zayn stands up, and Liam stands with her, still clutching Zayn in one hand, and the partially eaten peanut butter crackers with the other. 

“Where are you going?” Liam asks, in that same small voice. Zayn aches for her.

“I’m going to get you some medicine, can you give me your phone?” Zayn asks and Liam hands it over immediately, but then asks her why she needs it. “I need to call your mum and see what medicine you usually use when you’re sick.” Zayn says, quickly unlocking it. “You have maths after this don't you?” Liam nods, a little taken aback. “Who’s one of your friends from maths?” 

“Danielle is nice, why?” Liam says, bewildered. Zayn just nods, and sends a text to Danielle asking for the notes. Niall and Sophia are standing by, waiting for Liam.

“Okay, babe, go with Niall and Soph. You need to sleep this off.” Zayn says as she tries to pull away from Liam, but Liam holds tight.

“Will you be back?” Liam asks in a heartbreakingly desperate voice. The fever probably. Zayn takes Liam’s face in her hands and kisses her forehead. 

“Course babe. You’re my favorite.” Liam smiles weakly at her, then lets go of Zayn’s jumper, moving to Sophia and Niall. “I know all of you guys have class, so I’ll be by soon to take over.” Niall moves to protest, but Zayn stops her. “I don't have class today, so it’s not a problem, and I’m really good with sick people who don’t know how to take care of themselves. I don't mind at all.” Niall shuts her mouth reluctantly, and then wraps an arm around Liam, making their way to their shared flat, Sophia on Liam’s other side. 

Zayn looks for half of a second, before turning and making her way to the nearest pharmacy, scrolling through Liam’s contacts and finding the one that says Mom with a couple smiling emojis. 

“Hi, Mrs. Payne? This is Zayn, Liam’s friend. Liam has a fever, and I was wondering if she was allergic to any medicines, or if there was anything in particular she liked…” 

*******************

Zayn picks up the medicine that Karen told her to get, a thermometer and the hot chocolate with extra whip from the Cup D’etat. Karen was very helpful when Zayn called, and she went on for a while about how happy she was that Liam had such a good friend, and how she has heard so much about Zayn. It’s good to know Liam talked about to her to her family as much as Zayn talked about Liam to her own. It feels permanent. 

She gets to Niall’s flat within twenty minutes, and knocks. When Niall opens the door, the expression on her face is nothing short of relief. 

“Oh thank god, Liam is the worst sick person in the universe. She won’t eat the soup and crackers, it’s simultaneously too hot and too cold, she made Harry cry which made Louis pissed, and if I don't leave in five minutes I’m gonna be late for class.” Zayn nods. She was expecting the behaviour because everyone gets pissy when they have a fever, but this was gonna be brutal. 

“Go to class, I’ve got this.” Zayn says, and Niall kisses her forcefully on the cheek before grabbing her bags and heading out. She heads further into the flat, and calls out for Louis. Louis comes from the kitchen, absolutely fuming. 

“She’s in her bedroom. You know I have four sisters, and none of them have been as terrible as Liam when they’re sick. Did you know, she made Harry cry? I swear if she wasn’t so sick, I would have killed her.” Harry exits the kitchen after her, tear tracks visible, but a smile on her face.

“No you wouldn't have. You adore her and you know she didn’t mean to make me cry. She was just tired, and I kept freaking out, and she snapped a bit.” Harry says, wrapping her arms around Louis. “Still, I'm glad you’re here, Zayn, she keeps asking for you, and we all need to get to class.” Zayn smiles a bit at that. She hugs Harry, and kisses the side of her head, and does the same with Louis.

“Thank you guys for putting up with her.” She says, and Louis waves it away. 

“We love her too. Sophia is in the room with her now, but she doesn't really know how to handle Liam when she’s like this. She’s a younger sister.” Zayn nods, and waves them goodbye when they leave. She braces herself, and pushes the open door to Liam’s room. 

Sophia is doing her best to make Liam eat some soup and crackers, but Liam is resistant, and Zayn can see that Sophia is running out of patience. When she sees Zayn in the room with her bags, she audibly breathes out a sigh of relief. Zayn smiles at her. 

“When is Zayn getting here? She said she would be here soon, but it's been twenty minutes and she hasn’t showed up.” Liam is saying, and Zayn is somewhat taken aback by how plaintive Liam sounds, how much Liam wants her there. 

“She’s here right now.” Sophia says in a tired voice. Liam looks up at Zayn, and positively beams. 

“Hey darling. What’s this about you not eating soup and making Harry cry?” Zayn asks putting her supplies down, and sitting on the edge of the Liam’s bed. Liam’s smile drops off her face.

“I didn’t mean to make her cry. I just had a headache and she wouldn't stop asking me things, and freaking out, and trying to get me to eat things and I felt really shitty, so I might have told her to shut up. Loudly. With some profanity. Before I could apologize she ran out of the room, and Louis threatened me with death.” She sounds so broken that Zayn almost can’t hold back her laughter. 

“It’s okay Liam, just apologize to her later. But you do need to eat your soup, and eat it now, if only to make sure that your girlfriend doesn't murder you.” Sophia nods at that. 

“But what if I throw it up?” Liam asks plaintively. 

“Then you throw it up, and then you eat more soup and crackers. Maybe drink some ginger ale too. But you need the food. How about this, if you eat all that soup and your crackers, I will let you drink this.” Zayn places the hot chocolate on the bedside next to Liam. Her eyes widen when she sees the cup.

“Is that what I think it is?” She asks.

“With extra whipped cream.” Zayn says smugly. She knows she just won. Liam looks torn for a second, before slumping against the headboard and eating spoonfuls of the soup. She starts eating quickly after the first bite, finishing the soup so quickly Sophia’s eyes bug out a little. She looks at Zayn, and Zayn just rolls her eyes. Everyone with a fever pulls this shit. Liam grabs for the hot chocolate then. Zayn stops her though.

“Woah woah, it’s still hot, and you haven't touched your crackers. Or apologized to Sophia for being a pain when she was trying to help you, and I swear if you make the Payne joke, I’m drinking your hot chocolate.” Liam opens her mouth but then closes it. 

“Sorry Soph.” Sophia smiles, and shrugs it off, brushing a hand over Liam’s sweaty forehead. She looks at her phone. 

“I have to go to class now. Zayn, are you sure you’re okay taking care of her by yourself?” Zayn nods, and Sophia smiles gratefully. “Well if you need me to pick anything up for you, just text me okay?” Zayn walks her to the door of the flat, helping Sophia pick up all her things. Sophia turns back to her when she’s about to leave. “I’m glad Liam has you. You really love her, don't you?” Zayn freezes.

“Of course I do. She’s my best mate.” Sophia looks at her for a second, and then nods. 

“Yeah. I can tell.” She turns away and walks out of the flat after that. Zayn stares at the door of the flat for a few seconds after she leaves, and then turns and walks back into the sickroom. 

Liam is still laying in bed, alternating between drinking hot chocolate and munching on her crackers. She looks so focused on those two actions, Zayn laughs a little bit. She looks up and smiles at Zayn. 

“Okay, so I talked to your mum, and I got that raspberry tea you like, and don't worry we’ll tell Lou you only drank Yorkshire. Harry got you tomato and rice soup, and Danielle promised to send all the notes and assignments from class, you were right, she is lovely. Take this Tylenol, and in two hours we’ll take your temperature to see how you’re doing. You already ate, so you should just do your best to sleep okay?” Liam takes the tylenol and then looks at Zayn with a painfully fond look on her face. “What?” Zayn says, suddenly self-conscious. 

Liam shakes her head, schooling her features back into a state of normalcy. “Are you going to stay?” Zayn nods.

“I’m not going anywhere darling.” Zayn says, placatory. Liam smiles again. She reaches out and grabs Zayn’s hand. 

“I’m glad you’re here.” Zayn starts to brush off the sentiment, but Liam squeezes her hand hard, and Zayn shuts her mouth. “You’re so lovely, and you know me better than anyone, even me. It’s like you’re this angel who was sent to keep myself from being an absolute donut all the time. You’re incredible. ” Liam is remarkably focused considering her fevered state. 

“It’s nothing.” Liam frowns. 

“It’s not nothing, and I’m not going to sleep until you admit it.” Liam looks determined despite the clear signs of exhaustion. 

“Your drooping eyes tell a different story.” Liam squeezes her hand harder. “Okay. You’re welcome for my existence. Now will you sleep?” Zayn says reluctantly. Liam smiles and nods. Her eyes slide closed. Zayn moves to sit down at Liam’s desk when she hears Liam talk again.

“I love you Zayn.” The words come out slurred, and when Zayn whips around to stare at her, she looks like she’s asleep. Zayn puts it down to the fever but can’t help placing a small kiss on Liam’s sweaty forehead and whispering, 

“I love you too.” Liam’s brow relaxes a tiny bit, and her lips pull up just a little at the corners. Zayn was just tricked by an invalid. She should be annoyed. Instead, she bites back a smile, and sits down at Liam’s table, taking the time to work on an English essay. She’ll be there when Liam wakes up. 

******************

 

Niall and Zayn get thirty minutes on a stage in one of the busiest pubs near the university. They’re getting paid to perform for the first time, and they get free drinks for the night. Obviously, both of them are beyond excited. Louis and Harry have already arrived and are sitting at the bar. Louis, as promised, is actually wearing a shirt with their faces on it, but it doesn't actually look as terrible as what they imagined. The pleased look on Harry’s face makes Zayn think that Harry is the one who designed it. It’s five minutes until they are about to go up, and Liam still hasn’t arrived. Zayn tries not to dwell on that. 

Niall is configuring the sound system to her exacting standards, but when she turns and see’s Zayn, she drops what she was doing. 

“You okay there, mate?” Niall says, and Zayn’s nod obviously isn’t convincing because Niall wraps her up in a hug, kissing Zayn’s pierced ear. “We’ve done this before, and we smashed it then too. Even if we don’t, it’ll all be fine.” Zayn hums in agreement, and pulls out of Niall’s hug just a little, so she can kiss the tip of Niall’s nose.

“What would I do without you, Niall Horan?” Zayn asks, and Niall wrinkles her nose up and shrugs.

“Die, probably.” She says in a deadpan, and they both burst into laughter. 

*******************

The show goes phenomenally. They have a couple covers of pretty well known songs, Arctic Monkeys, Ed Sheeran and a few of Niall’s lesser-known favorite bands. Their cover of Do I Wanna Know leaves the crowd in ecstatics, and the more they sing, the more drunk the crowd becomes, and the more applause they get. They sing a couple of their original songs too, and the reception is amazing. Harry and Louis scream loudly after every single song, and Zayn and Niall blow kisses to where they sit. Louis pretends to swoon and Harry tries to catch the kisses in her hands. Zayn doesn't see Liam. She almost doesn't care.

Near the end, Zayn grabs the mic.

“Hey, so, I hope you’ve liked the show so far.” the crowd yells and whistles and Zayn smiles brightly at them. “We only have two more songs,” the crowd boos, “but this next one is a personal favorite. I wrote it, and I really really hope you like it as much as I do.” Zayn says. She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and nods at Niall to start playing. 

Don’t look around, cause love is blind, and darling right now, I can’t see you, the song starts. 

It’s a love song, and it’s so obviously about Liam that Zayn was afraid of what would happen when she heard it, but Liam hasn’t shown up, so fuck it. It’s not a happy song. It’s raw, and painful, and it almost hurts to sing it, to let herself say the words she has kept so deep inside of her, these emotions that smother her, and it shows. Niall’s harmonies are incredible, and at the end of the song, the crowd screams so loud that Zayn can feel their screams vibrating the stage beneath her. 

Zayn takes a deep breath, and they launch into their last song, a fun one they wrote about being with each other, and when they step off the stage, it’s like every bone, every cell in Zayn’s body is singing. 

They make their way through the crowd as the next band steps up, fielding compliments, and accepting drunken hugs. They finally get to Harry and Louis’ table and the couple literally leaps on top of them. Louis raves about how amazing they were, and how she was pissed she never got to see them before this, and how they needed to do a private show of everything they missed, and Harry just kisses them on the cheeks and noses and foreheads and everywhere else she can reach. 

Zayn is buzzing from adrenaline, and she feels like a live wire, crackling in her skin, all pent up with energy and cortisol. She feels like she could leap out of her own skin, fly into the sky like a firecracker. 

“Zayn, there you are.” A voice from behind her says loudly. Zayn whirls around, hair flying. Liam. 

“You came.” Zayn says, shocked. Liam is standing in front of her, here at her performance.

“Of course I did.” Liam says, like it’s obvious that she came, like it was never something to be doubted, like Zayn didn't look frantically into the sea of bodies in front of her and come up short of the one person she needed the most. Liam looks around, at the rowdy crowd, and the band starting to play their set. Zayn suddenly registers just how loud it is in the cramped pub.

“Do you want to get out of here? Get some air?” Liam says, and Zayn nods, and follows Liam out into the side entrance, a brightly lit alleyway that leads directly into the street. Zayn inhales the crisp cool air, relishing the change from the humid pub. She pulls out a cigarette, and lights it, taking a deep pull, the nicotine calming her down, hushing her adrenaline high.

“You were amazing in there,” Liam says, voice sharp and clear in the almost silence of the alley. Zayn smiles around her cigarette.

“I looked for you in the crowd, but I couldn’t see you.” Zayn says. Liam is standing close to her, not too close, but close enough. Close enough for what exactly, Zayn doesn't know. 

“We came in just as it started, so we were stuck in the back. I could see you though. You were, you were something else.” Liam says, shaking her head slightly. 

“Is that a good thing?” Zayn asks, half teasing, half desperate.

“Of course Zayn, god, you’re so incredible. I knew you would be beyond amazing at this, you’re amazing at everything, but I didn't understand exactly how good you would be. You were like a proper superstar up there.” Liam says, almost breathless. She looks at Zayn like she hung the moon and the stars, and they didn't compare. Zayn doesn't know how to handle it. 

“I’m glad you liked it.” Zayn says, and that doesn't come close to how she feels about Liam coming, about Liam loving her performance, but Zayn doesn't know how to put that in words. 

“Liked it? I loved it!” Liam says, smile bright on her lips. Zayn still feels adrenaline coursing through her body, and the usual butterflies that she feels when she’s with Liam, the happy little buzzing feeling that comes from being a bit tipsy, but below all of that, she feels a bone-deep calm. She feels safe, and warm despite the chill, and if the world was tumbling down around her, she probably wouldn't notice. Everything is warm and safe and beautiful and Liam, everything is just so Liam. It hits Zayn like an anvil, right then, in that chilly alley outside a pub, just how in love with Liam she is. 

The realization is galvanizing and paralyzing in equal measure. Zayn just stares up at Liam, their faces close together, unconsciously gravitating towards each other, to the heat they produce, to the safety they can always find in each other’s arms.

“That love song at the end was amazing. It was so beautiful, it almost made me cry.” Liam says.

“Did it remind you of Sophia?” Zayn says, because Liam has a girlfriend goddammit, and if Zayn doesn’t remind herself of that, she’s going to do something stupid.

“No.” Liam says, not even bothering to justify that. Her eyes are like embers, searing. Zayn can’t look away. “Did you write the song about Perrie?” Liam asks tentatively, leaning forwards just the slightest bit. Zayn leans forwards in response.

“No.” Zayn says, and god, she could lean forwards right now, press her lips against Liam’s and she doesn’t think that Liam would push her away, at least not immediately. God, fuck the consequences, just fuck this Zayn thinks wildly, hot blood running through her veins, racing with electricity, and she is so close to ruining everything, and it would be worth it, god it would be so worth it. 

The door slams open, and Zayn jumps back a bit, shaken. Liam doesn’t move at all. 

“There you are!” Sophia’s cheerful voice rings out in the cold air, and Zayn shivers a bit in her jacket. “What are you doing outside in the cold?” Her voice isn’t accusing at all, and Zayn chokes a bit on her self-loathing. 

“We just needed some air, we couldn't hear ourselves think much less speak.” Liam says, calm as anything. Sophia nods understandingly. She turns to Zayn, bright smile on her face.

“Oh my god, Zayn, you were incredible!” She squeals, catching Zayn in a hug, and Zayn hugs her back sincerely. 

“Thank you so much!” Zayn says, “It means the world to us that you came.” 

“Of course I came.” Sophia says, and Liam stands still, away from both of them. Her face is strangely blank. “Are you going to come back in soon?” She asks. 

“Oh yeah, give me a sec, I just want to finish this cig.” Zayn says, and Sophia nods. Without even looking at Liam, she walks back into the pub, and Zayn and Liam are alone outside again. The earlier tension is gone, and Zayn can trust herself again. 

Zayn makes a questioning noise about Sophia and Liam’s behavior, but Liam just shakes her head. Zayn leans back on the wall, and Liam leans next to her, shoulder barely brushing Zayn’s. They stand in silence for the minute it takes for Zayn to finish off her cig. Zayn crushes it under her heel, and when she turns, Liam is facing her. 

Wordlessly, Liam enfolds her into a warm hug, and Zayn melts into it, pressing her cold nose into Liam’s neck, and giggling at the Liam’s subsequent shiver. They stand wrapped around each other for a bit before Liam speaks.

“You were perfect up there, Zayn. You always are.” Liam says softly, and Zayn says nothing, just burrows deeper into Liam’s collar. They break apart, smiling at each other softly before reentering the pub, rejoining all their friends. 

 

*******************

The Jesy situation comes to a head at 2 am in the morning in the kitchen. Zayn is fixing another coffee after taking a break from her essay and helping Perrie relieve some of her tension after seeing Jesy in a towel. Jesy walks into the kitchen, grabs a cup of coffee and just sits next to Zayn on the counter. Zayn smiles at her, because no matter how distant Jesy has been since the Perrie situation, Zayn never stopped thinking Jesy was one of the coolest chicks she knew. Jesy tries to smile back, but it comes out as a grimace. 

“It’s been awhile since we’ve had a late night conversation” Zayn says, just to start a conversation so Jesy can say what’s on her mind. 

“Yeah. I’ve missed those actually.” Jesy replies. Back when Jesy first moved in, she would be making midnight snacks in the kitchen and when Zayn would come in they would just spend hours aimlessly talking, about important shit that was going on in their lives. Then Perrie and Zayn broke up, and Jesy must have felt awkward because Zayn would go into the kitchen, and nobody would be there.

“Me too. I always wondered why they ended. It’s like we just stopped talking after Pez and I broke up.” Zayn says, patiently waiting for Jesy to open up. Jesy bites her lip at that. 

“I felt like if I kept hanging out, I would be choosing a side. And I didn't want to do that.” Jesy admits. Zayn could feel her eyebrows rising.

“Shit, Jesy. I’m sorry for putting in you in that situation. Neither of us thought there were any sides, but it must not have seemed that way to you.” Zayn says apologetically. 

“I mean, I figured that out when you and Perrie stayed friends, but at that point it felt like maybe you wouldn't really want to talk to me anymore after I ignored you.” Jesy explains. Zayn is already shaking her head.

“I’m just glad we can talk now.” Zayn says, and Jesy smiles widely at her. They sit in a comfortable silence after that just sipping their coffees. Jesy breaks the silence this time.

“I actually wanted to ask you something.” Zayn makes a prompting noise at Jesy’s statement. “Are you and Perrie back together? I mean, I’ve been hanging out with Perrie a lot, and she hasn’t said anything, but I know that you guys spend a lot of nights together, and I just wanted to know. I mean it’s none of my business, but I was curious.” Zayn smiles into her coffee. She knew Jesy felt the same way as Perrie. 

“No. We are definitely not together. We sleep together a bit, but that’s casual. She’s actually likes someone else.” Zayn stares at Jesy as she talks, watching her expression go from relief to jealousy. 

“Who?” Jesy blurts, obviously not meaning to ask. Zayn snickers into her coffee. She blushes and says, “I mean it’s none of my business, sorry.” 

“You know. Even if you don’t believe it, you know.” Jesy still looks mystified. She looks at Zayn searching, and Zayn raises one eyebrow at her. Zayn smirks as she watches realization dawn on her face, followed by pure joy. 

“Me?” Jesy asks, hope infused into the single syllable. Zayn grins.

“I would ask her. She’s in her room.” She says as she jumps off the counter, and puts the cup in the sink. She turns as she reaches doorway that leads to the hallway. “But, your odds are looking pretty great from here.” Jesy’s smile is radiant. 

As Zayn sits at her desk, opening her laptop again, she decides to use her headphones. No matter how excited she is that Perrie and Jesy will finally get their shit together, she doesn't really want to hear it. Especially when she has a paper to finish.

***********************

Liam breaks up with Sophia on a Tuesday. There are no fights, no thrown plates, no screaming matches in public. There is just Liam coming to one of their lunches, sitting down between Niall and Zayn, grabbing one of Zayn’s egg rolls, and in the most calm voice Zayn has ever heard, saying “I broke up with Sophia.” 

There is a silence, as Liam casually eats the egg roll, and then Louis yells “Finally!” and the dam breaks. Harry hits Louis hard, and asks Liam if she is okay, Niall hugs Liam tightly, and Liam just keeps eating the egg roll, resting her entire upper body on Niall. Zayn has a silent heart attack.

She just sits, and stares at the ground in front of her. It’s like the entire world has gone off balance, everything around her moving in slow motion, the words the other girls are saying a garbled mess. Liam is single, she is available, Zayn might have a chance, Liam is probably in pain. That last thought paralyzes Zayn, because she knows what she should be doing, she should be offering words of comfort, or hugging Liam, or something, anything that a friend does when a breakup happens, but there are just her racing thoughts, and her motionless self. There is a disconnect between her mind and her body, and she can’t do anything to fix it. 

Niall suddenly pulls attention to herself with a piercing whistle. Zayn snaps back to herself.

“Alright, this situation obviously calls for drink. We’ll meet at the pub at seven, and we shall drink our sorrows away.” Niall says, in her loudest voice, and Louis vocalizes her enthusiastic agreement.

“Guys, I’m fine, I promise. I just want things to be normal.” Liam says, in a very carefully careless tone. 

“Well Liam, for us, it’s normal to be in a pub.” Harry says, and Liam drops her head and laughs against her will. 

“Okay, fine. Pub it is.” Liam says, smiling, and all of them let out a whoop of excitement. Zayn still feels like the whole world got turned upside-down, but Niall’s hand reaches back behind Liam, and lands reassuringly on the back of Zayn’s neck. Zayn relaxes into the touch, and does her best to process everything. It doesn't really work. 

 

**************

The pub is crowded and loud, too loud for a Tuesday night. They all sit at a booth, Liam comfortably snuggled into Louis’ side, pressed against the wall. Louis was maybe a little insensitive when Liam first told them, but now she is all smiles, all soft comforting words whispered against Liam’s ear. Zayn is staring at her pint, still not quite sure what the fuck is going on, and Niall is squeezing Zayn’s hand so hard, she can hear her own bones creaking. Harry is waving down the bartender for another round. 

“Wait, Liam, how did this even happen?” Niall says, and Louis stops talking, and Harry stops waving and Zayn just keeps on staring at her beer. 

“Well, we got into a bit of a fight about something, and I just gave up. We sat down and we talked it through, and we both decided it wasn’t worth it to keep trying. It was just too difficult and it wasn’t working, so we just. Decided to end it.” Liam says, in this voice like she’s still stunned by the breakup, still not completely sure how to factor this into her life. Zayn looks up at Liam’s face. She doesn't look like she’s hurting, she just looks lost. Zayn presses her ankle against Liam’s and Liam looks up with a small, but genuine smile. For the first time tonight, she looks grounded. 

“What was the fight about?” Louis asks, looking somewhat knowing. Liam sends her a quelling look, and takes a generous swallow of her beer. 

“Nothing important.” Liam says.

“Yes, but what-” Louis tries to press.

“Louis, stop. This isn’t the time.” Harry says, and Louis looks over at Harry, a silent conversation going between them. Niall stifles a small giggle, and Liam flushes bright red. Zayn is confused, but when she makes eye-contact with Liam, to try and figure out what's going on, Liam just turns away, blushing harder. 

Harry gets the next round of drinks. 

*****************

They do their best to be very drunk. Liam gets visibly tired, and Louis and Harry and Niall play some dumb game involving straw wrappers and the condensation on the beer mugs, and Zayn just wants to go home. She wants to take Liam with her, wants to get Liam out of this crowded bar. She nudges Liam’s leg under the table, and when Liam looks up at Zayn with glassy eyes, she gestures for them to leave. Liam nods gratefully, extricating herself from the booth, with minimal fuss, kissing all of the girls on the cheek before grabbing Zayn and pulling her out of the pub. 

They hit the cool night air, and exhale. Liam still hasn’t let go of Zayn’s arm, and the point of contact is like an anchor. Liam smiles at her. 

“This is much better. I was so claustrophobic in there.” Liam says, close enough to Zayn that Zayn can feel her body heat through their layers.

“Oh if you want, I can-” Zayn tries to step away to give Liam space, but Liam holds firm. 

“No, this is good.” Liam says, sliding her hand down Zayn’s arm to grasp her hand. Zayn looks down at their hands, and looks back up at Liam’s face. She repositions her own hand so that the fit is more comfortable, and Liam loses a small hint of nerves that Zayn hadn’t noticed. Their hands fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces, and Zayn kicks herself for using the cliché. “Did you want to go to your place or mine?” Liam asks, and Zayn blinks up at her. 

“What do you mean?” Zayn says, and Liam suddenly looks bashful, scuffing her shoe on the concrete. 

“I um. Didn’t really want to be alone tonight, and I just assumed that you would be okay with hanging out but if you didn't want to-” Liam says in a rapid tone. 

“Liam, obviously I wouldn't let you be on your own. And I always want to spend time with you okay? If you didn’t already know, consider this an open invitation to my life, wherever and whenever.” Zayn says truthfully. Liam smiles. “Your place is better. Jesy and Perrie are in the honeymoon phase, and I don't think you want to be around that. Especially just out of a relationship.” Liam giggles a bit at that, and they start to walk towards Liam’s flat, hands swinging between them. 

“Wait, so Perrie and Jesy are a thing now?” Liam asks.

“Oh yeah, they finally got their shit together.” Zayn says happily.

“And you're happy about that?” Liam asks, a crinkle in her brow. 

“Yeah of course. Perrie has had the biggest crush on her for ages, and Jesy felt the same way. Why do you ask?” Zayn says, and Liam looks down. 

“Well, you know, you and Perrie had that thing, and now you don’t. It’s like a breakup, isn’t it?” Zayn rolls her eyes. 

“Oh my god. You always get so weird about Perrie, we weren’t a thing.”

“You seemed like a thing to me.” Liam says as an aside and Zayn bumps against Liam’s shoulder to push her off balance a little bit. 

“Okay, Perrie and I got together because we confused really good friendship with romantic feelings, and as soon as we figured our shit out, we broke up, and continued to be great friends. We still had sex sometimes because it was less effort than going out and possibly picking up someone we don't like. That was it. I always knew that Perrie was going to get together with Jesy, and I really wanted it to happen. Are you going to stop being weird now?” Zayn rants as they reach Liam’s building and start walking up stairs. 

“Oh my god chill out it was just a question.” Liam says in a smarmy voice, and when Zayn shoves her, she laughs loudly. “Sorry, sorry. No, but it is pretty easy, isn’t it?” Liam says, in a more contemplative tone. 

“What is?” Zayn asks. 

“Confusing romantic feelings with platonic ones.” Liam says, and Zayn’s heart skips a beat. Liam looks at her, and Zayn stares helplessly back. 

“Do you do that often?” Zayn asks, and kicks herself. 

“I honestly can’t tell.” Liam says, and they both stop, and stare into each other’s eyes.

“We’re at your flat.” Zayn says, and the moment is shattered. Liam nods, and lets go of Zayn’s hand to get her keys. Zayn’s hand feels abnormally cold. They walk into the flat, and shed outer layers, casually tossing their jackets and sweaters over chairs. They walk into Liam’s room, and collapse on the bed, bouncing a little, their limbs bumping into each other as they get comfortable. 

They end up leaning on the stacks of pillows Liam uses, curled up facing each other. 

“Hey babe, are you okay? Like, I know you probably don't really want to talk about it, but just. Are you okay?” Zayn asks, and Liam sighs, and turns over to look up at the ceiling. 

“I mean. I feel like something massive just changed and I’m waiting for the shoe to drop. But, honestly, I’m not like, devastated or anything. I just.” She takes a breath, tries to collect her thoughts. “When me and Sophia got together, it wasn’t because we were in love. We liked each other, and we were attracted to each other, and for the longest time that was just fine. But we were just going through the motions of a relationship, because that was what people expected, and what we expected. It wasn’t real.” Liam says, and Zayn wants to reach out, do something for Liam.

“So, we just kinda did what we did, coexisting in our bubbles, but the more time I spent with you all, how real it felt, how I never felt like I had to do anything, the less I wanted to pretend with Sophia. And I think she started feeling like it wasn’t really worth it, and neither did I.” Liam is silent, but after about a minute of silence, she drops her head to the side to look at Zayn. Zayn bites her lip, and stares at Liam before speaking.

“I don’t want to say I’m happy you broke up with your long-term girlfriend. But, I am happy that you figured out something wasn’t working, and changed it. You're so brave. I could never do that.” Liam smiles at Zayn. 

“I couldn’t have done it without you. You make me brave, Zayn.” Liam says, and her voice is soft, and her eyes are on Zayn’s lips, and their faces are very close together, and they are in Liam’s bed and Zayn could do something very reckless. Liam moves her head forwards, just the smallest amount, and Zayn leans forwards too, and-

Liam is drunk. Liam is drunk, and she just got out of a relationship, a long-term relationship and she is hurting and even if she wasn’t, Zayn couldn't handle being a rebound, and fucking everything up.

Zayn pulls back, and turns her head to the clock on Liam’s bedside table. 

“It’s pretty late, we should sleep soon.” She turns back to Liam, and she thinks she sees hurt on Liam’s face. She blinks, and it’s gone.

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired.” Liam says, getting up and tossing Zayn some comfortable clothes from her drawers, and going to the bathroom with pajamas of her own. Zayn gets up and changes quickly, pulling on the soft t-shirt and sweats. She goes to the bathroom, and knocks the door. Liam pulls it open, toothbrush between her lips, the foam all over her face. 

“Sorry, I just need to take off my makeup and all.” Zayn says, and Liam lets her in. They stand next to each other, getting ready for bed, and it’s unsettlingly domestic. Zayn could imagine herself doing this every night, and god does she want it. 

Liam pulls out a toothbrush from underneath the sink, and gives it to her. 

“It’s not being used, and you can just leave it here, for the next time you want to stay over.” Liam says. Zayn takes it with a huge smile. Liam wants her to stay over more often. 

“Thanks babe.” Zayn says, and takes the toothbrush.

 

They finish their night rituals, and fall back into bed, comfortably intertwined. Zayn rests her head on Liam’s shoulder, and Liam wraps her arms around Zayn, shifting both of them so Zayn is half on top of her. They rest like that in silence before Zayn speaks, softly, so as not to shatter the peace. 

“You know what you said, about things not really feeling real between you and Sophia?” Zayn asks, and she feels rather than sees Liam’s nod. “Well, I just wanted to say, this, being with you, is the most real thing I’ve ever felt.” It feels safe to say these words in the dark, like they have no consequences. 

Liam tightens her arms around Zayn, and whispers, “Same,” before kissing Zayn’s temple. They both fall asleep feeling warm and loved. 

 

********************

Zayn ends up using the toothbrush a lot. Liam invites her to stay over almost every night, and Zayn can never say no. Eventually, Zayn just starts bringing clothes over, and pretty soon, a third of her wardrobe is in Liam’s room. At first Zayn is confused about why Liam is seeking her out so often, but she just puts it down to loneliness after her break-up. 

Zayn thinks about Liam’s personality shift, so completely attentive and admiring lately, when she walks into the darkness of her flat. 

“I’m surprised to see you here.” Zayn almost has a heart attack. A lamp gets turned on and she sees Jesy and Perrie sitting in chairs, in front of the door. They both sit with arms and legs crossed, blatantly dramatic and judgemental.

“What do you mean? I live here. Also, why were you guys just sitting in the dark? Were you waiting for me?” Zayn says, confused. Jesy speaks at that. 

“We’re having an intervention. You’ve been keeping secrets Zayn.” Jesy says in an ominous voice. Zayn furrows her brow at that. 

“What secrets? Why are you guys acting so weird?” Zayn asks, trying to think of anything that she’s been keeping from her flatmates. 

“Where have you been every night for the past month?” Perrie says in an accusatory voice. 

“With Liam. Did you move the chairs? And the lamp?” Zayn says, not understanding what the fuck is happening. Jesy narrows her eyes.

“And I suppose the chocolates are also from Liam?” Jesy says, clearly disbelieving. Zayn looks down at the heart-shaped box of chocolates in her hand.

“Yes!” Zayn says. “She said she saw them on sale, and she knows I love caramel. Did you guys rehearse this?” She asks. 

“That is not the point.” Perrie says, deflecting. 

“Then what is?” Zayn says impatiently.

“Who have you been shagging?!” Jesy yells. 

“Nobody!” Zayn yells back. Perrie widens her eyes comically in annoyance, but Jesy looks confused.

“You can stop lying anytime now.” Perrie says, and Zayn is about to respond when Jesy starts talking.

“Wait, are you being serious?” Jesy asks.

“Yes!” Zayn says in exasperation. 

“You’ve really been sleeping at Liam’s house?” Jesy asks. Zayn nods. “Why? What do you do there?”

“We just watch TV, and hang out, and she usually invites me over pretty late. She always asks if I want to sleep over, and I’m not exactly in the position to say no.” Jesy looks dubious. “Look, she just broke up with her girlfriend-”

“Like, a month ago,” Perrie interjects. Zayn ignores her. 

“and she’s probably a bit lonely, I’m always willing to have a bit of a cuddle, and you guys need some space. It’s not like I'm going to question the chocolates, or the coffees after class, or even the flowers.”

“Oh, that’s where the flowers came from.” Jesy says, referring to the beautiful vase of red tulips on their counter, that nobody could see, because their flat was still shrouded in darkness for some fucking reason.

“You never get me flowers, or even coffee. Liam’s a better girlfriend than you are.” Perrie says to Jesy. 

“Tell Liam she needs to stop.” Jesy says to Zayn. “She isn’t even dating you, this isn’t fair, she makes everyone look bad.” 

“No thank you, I love the coffees.” Zayn says firmly. “Now, can we stop with the dramatics? Do we all agree I’m not sleeping with anyone?” She asks almost desperately. They both smirk. God, this is why she started spending so much time at Liam’s. After getting together, it’s like they share a hive mind, it’s cute on good days, but terrifying and annoying on bad ones. 

“You aren’t now. But you will be soon.” Jesy says, with a sly twinkle in her eyes. Zayn is millimeters from the edge.

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Zayn asks in a deadpan voice, resigning herself to more bullshit. 

“It means that Liam is obviously seducing you.” Jesy responds, and Perrie nods. 

“Oh my god, I can’t deal with this right now.” Zayn says, dropping the chocolates and placing her head in her hands, leaning against the front door. 

“No, Jesy is absolutely correct here. These are all classic seduction techniques, and you know it, you just have a blindspot that is exactly the shape and size of Liam Payne.” Perrie says in her smug know-it-all voice. God, Zayn hates that fucking voice. “It would only be more obvious if she made you a mixtape.” 

Zayn looks at the floor, thinking about all the playlists Liam has made for her on Spotify. She blushes a little bit, thinking about how she listened to each track on each playlist at least three times, searching for hidden meanings in the songs. 

“Listen, you guys can believe whatever ridiculous theory you have about Liam, I don’t care. I just want to turn the fucking lights on, you guys are insane.” Zayn says, and finally the girls acquiesce, putting all the furniture where it belongs in eerie synchrony. Seriously, it’s creepy. Zayn picks up the chocolates and walks towards her room, but stops at the tulips. She bends to smell them, and smiles. Her phone vibrates suddenly.

from leeyum: heyy bride and prejudice at my place 2nite???????? i got twisters!!!

Zayn stares at the text, and then looks at the flowers. Maybe Liam was-

No, Jesy and Perrie were not going to pull her into their mad ideas. Resolutely not thinking about Liam trying to woo her, Zayn texts Liam back, before pocketing her phone and going to her bedroom.

to leeyum: sure thing babe :) x

 

*****************

 

Zayn does her best to stay in touch with her family, but distance and conflicting schedules make it difficult. She calls her parents fairly regularly, texts Waliyha and Safaa whenever she can, and Skypes with Doniya at university as much as possible, but she cherishes the time she gets to spend just catching up, exchanging family gossip, catching people up on accomplishments and failures. Unfortunately, the gossip is a double-edged sword which leads to a lot of teasing about Zayn’s new friend. Case in point, her Skype call with Doniya right now. 

“Does she know about the YouTube videos of you singing?” Doniya asks. Zayn glares at her. Doniya is the worst.

“No, and she never will if I have anything to say about it.” She says resolutely as Doni starts cackling. “Seriously Doniya shut up.” 

“You should let me love you, let me be the one to, give you everything you want and need.” Doniya sings off-tune loudly. Zayn winces. 

“God, just shut up.” Doniya sings louder. “You know, I always wonder why it takes me so long to call you back after these. This is why.” Doniya breaks off just to laugh louder. 

“You should serenade her with that. Nobody could resist those golden pipes.” She says, putting on a straight face. 

“I’ll hit you with a fucking pipe.” Zayn says, and Doniya drops the act to laugh at her again. Zayn doesn't deserve this, she wishes she was an only child. 

Suddenly the door bangs open. Liam flies in, tossing her hoodie on Zayn’s desk, and toeing her sneakers off. 

“What’s going on.” Liam doesn’t explain, just face planting next to where Zayn is reclining on the bed. She screams into the pillow for a second, before turning her head and tossing an arm around Zayn’s waist. “Babe, what the actual fuck.” 

“I’m so so tired. I barely got any sleep last night, and Coach went insane during practice today, I could barely shower afterwards. All of me aches. I just need pizza and cuddles.” Zayn strokes her hair sympathetically, and Liam presses her head into her hand, practically purring. 

“You’re like a cat. Or a puppy.” Liam doesn’t even try to deny it. Zayn scratches her fingers against her scalp, and Liam burrows further into Zayn’s bed. Zayn’s face must do something ridiculously fond, because Doniya clears her throat loudly to reclaim attention. Liam stiffens, and then looks up at the screen fast enough that Zayn legitimately feels worried about Liam’s neck. Zayn can see Liam’s face in the shitty computer camera and the transition from apprehensive to absolutely horrified. 

“Oh god, I am so sorry, I just interrupted your call, it’s just Perrie said that you were alone, oh god, I’ll just go.” She moves to get up, but Zayn hold her arm.

“No, babe, you’re fine. You don’t have to go.” Liam looks doubtful, but doesn’t pull away entirely. Doniya speaks up at that.

“Oh yeah, please stay, I’ve been waiting to meet some of Zayn’s friends. I have so many embarrassing stories about this one, you have no idea. For example, did you know Zayn once-” Zayn cuts her off with a hasty, 

“Actually, you should probably get out Liam, sorry, you are neither needed nor wanted.” Zayn says, gently shoving Liam, not hard enough for Liam to actually take her seriously. Liam starts laughing, sitting up properly next to Zayn.

“Oh no, you already said I could stay, no take-backsies.” She says, and faces the camera. “I’m sorry, what exactly did Zayn once do?” Doniya looks like her birthday came early. 

“This is Liam?” She asks incredulously. Shit. “Oh my god, she is just as cute as how you described her.” Fuck. 

Liam laughs, pink spreading along her cheekbones. “Thank you. You’re Doniya, right?” She says, obviously doing her best to not mangle the pronunciation. Doniya looks pleased at the effort. 

“Yeah, does Zayn talk about me a lot?” 

“Oh yeah, all the time.” Zayn elbows Liam in the ribs, “Ow, what about ‘I ache all over’ did you not get?” 

“Sorry,” Zayn says, patting the injured area gently. Liam glares at her for one more second, before smiling and pulling Zayn closer.

“I forgive you, but only because you’re going to be buying me pizza later.” Zayn rolls her eyes, but cuddles into Liam’s side. 

“I’m glad we finally get to meet, Liam. Zayn talks about you all the time.” Doniya says, in typical older sister fashion. Liam smiles widely at the camera.

“All good things, I hope?” Liam says, as if Zayn has anything bad to say about Liam.

“Oh yeah, we thought she made you up. We all thought there was no way somebody could be that perfect. And, to be fair, she has made up friends for attention before.” Doniya says in a smarmy voice.

“It was an imaginary friend when I was three, it is not the same thing. When will you stop bringing this up? I’m not the one who pretended to have a twin for three years so I could ignore my classmates outside of school.” Zayn cries, outraged. She can feel rather than hear Liam’s laughter, and then the subsequent wince. 

“No, don’t make me laugh, my sides are so sore.” Liam says. 

“Does it really hurt that bad? We have Tylenol if you want.” Zayn says turning to face Liam, actually worried this time. Liam sometimes exaggerates her soreness to get people to do stuff for her, but Zayn knows how hard the players have to work. 

“I’m fine, I promise,” Liam says, pushing hair out of Zayn’s face. “If it gets bad, I’ll tell you. Cross my heart.” Zayn narrows her eyes, and then settles back onto Liam gingerly. Doniya is watching with a strange expression.

“So, Liam, what are you doing for holidays?” Doniya asks, and Liam’s attention snaps back to the camera. Her face does something weird, before admitting in a very small voice,

“I have no idea. Probably just stay on campus.” Zayn turns to her.

“What do you mean? Don’t you have plans with your family?” Liam shakes her head.

“My family made plans to go to a resort without me. They were planning for me to be going home with Sophia for the break, but that isn’t happening.” Zayn nods, the air suddenly the slightest bit colder. Liam pulls her closer somehow. Doniya doesn't ask any questions, she was already subject to Zayn’s meltdown when the breakup was announced.

“Why didn't you tell any of us?” Zayn asks.

“I really didn’t want to make a fuss, and you know our lot. All of them would have invited me home with them, even Harry and Lou, and they’ve been making plans to go to France for years now. Even Niall would, and she’s going all the way to Ireland. She doesn't get to see family as often as we do.” Liam says, her voice getting more dejected with every word. Zayn bites her lip, and looks up at Doniya. She’s already talking.

“Come stay with us.” She says. Liam looks up at the screen, eyes wide. 

“Oh, you don’t have to say that, I’m fine here, really, it’s all good.” Liam quickly backtracks. Zayn speaks up then,

“Actually, I was thinking about inviting you before this, but I figured you were going to stay with Sophia. Now though, it’s perfect.” 

 

“Really?” Liam asks, eyes just a bit shinier than usual. Doniya speaks again.

“Oh yeah, definitely. Everyone wants to meet Zayn’s new best friend. Baba and Mum are already all for it, and we have tons of embarrassing baby pictures of Zayn.” Zayn groans. Liam smiles softly.

“Well, if you have embarrassing pictures, I have to say yes. Zayn just looks like a supermodel in all her pictures, even her snapchats. It’s really annoying.” Zayn feels her cheeks heat up. Doniya laughs loudly, before looking at the time and swearing.

“Shit, I need to go, my friend is at an art exhibition, and I need to leave now if I want to be on time. Bye Zayn, bye Liam!” Zayn waves a second before Doniya hangs up. 

“Zayn,” Liam says. Zayn turns to face her. Their faces are inches apart, and Zayn is suddenly very aware of every place their bodies are touching. “You really didn’t need to invite me over.” Zayn smiles.

“I know. I wanted to.” Liam smiles back, and then says,

“Thank you. I really love you, you know that?”

“I love you too. Now, I believe you mentioned cuddles and pizza?” Liam nods, and they turn back to the computer and pull up the Dominoes homepage.

*******************  
Later, when Liam is asleep on Zayn’s side, wiped out after the day, empty pizza box on the floor, Zayn gets a text notification from Doniya.

from Doni : u know its gonna be obvious ur in love with her rite?

to Doni: yea, but its not like i could just let her stay on campus for holiday..

from Doni: don’t worry.. it’s also obvious how in love with u she is ;)

Zayn rolls her eyes and turns her phone off. Doniya says a lot of dumb shit. Liam stirs against her, whispering a slurred ‘was gng on’.

“Nothing babe, go back to sleep.” Liam shifts a bit, and then goes back to sleep, and Zayn follows suit. 

 

******************

Zayn is looking down at her phone, texting Harry about her newest tattoo when she collides with someone on the street. She drops her coffee, and almost falls. Zayn rushes to help her. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, are you oka- Sophia?” Zayn says, incredulous. 

“Zayn!” Sophia says, looking bewildered. “Wow, it’s been so long.” She says, still somewhat in shock. 

“Yeah, it really has. How are you?” Zayn asks, not quite sure how to handle this conversation. 

“I’m good. Yeah, class is going well, I’m spending a lot of time with friends.” Sophia says, obviously suffering from the same problems Zayn is. They stand there awkwardly looking at each other for a bit longer, before giggling simultaneously.

“God, this is so awkward.” Zayn says through her laughs, and Sophia nods. 

“Well, yeah, but that was to be expected. Ex-girlfriend sees the current girlfriend, no way that was going to end well.” Sophia says, smiling widely. Zayn stops laughing.

“What?” Zayn says, not understanding this turn of events. “I’m not Liam’s girlfriend.” 

“What do you mean you aren’t Liam’s girlfriend?” Sophia asks, seemingly shocked. Zayn has no idea why she would be shocked, Sophia was literally just in a relationship with Liam. 

“I mean, Liam and I are not together. She doesn't like me that way, and she just got out of a relationship. You were literally a part of that.” Zayn says. 

“Okay, we broke up a month ago, and it was mutual. Also, her instagram is only pictures of you anymore, and all of them are captioned with hearts, why haven't you made a move?” Sophia says, and Zayn is not understanding this spree of people who, for some reason, think that Liam would ever be interested in Zayn.

“Liam and I are just friends, and as I just said, she doesn't like me that way.” Zayn is about to make an excuse to leave, when Sophia says something that makes her stop in her tracks. 

“Don't you know why we broke up?” Sophia asked, confusion written over her face. Zayn’s eyes widen.

“She didn’t tell me, she just said you guys fell apart.” Zayn says, wanting nothing more than for Sophia to tell her, to reveal this mystery. Sophia shakes her head.

“That’s true, but it’s not why we broke up. Ask her about it sometime. I think you might be surprised by the answer.” Sophia says enigmatically, before looking at her phone. “Shit, I’m gonna be late. It was nice seeing you Zayn.” She says, and Zayn immediately echoes the sentiment, before turning back to her path to Louis’ flat. 

Zayn’s mind runs in circles, trying to decipher the meaning behind Sophia’s words as she walks up the steps in Louis’s building. She walks into the flat, using her spare key. Harry and Louis are sitting next to each other on the couch, watching X-Factor reruns. Zayn drops her stuff on the ground before sitting herself down on Harry’s lap, tossing her legs over Louis’. Harry kisses Zayn’s cheek instinctively, and wraps her arm around Zayn’s waist to position her better. 

“Hey babe, what's going on?” Harry asks sotto voce, careful to not interrupt Louis’ watching. Zayn sighs, and presses her head into Harry’s shoulder. 

“I just had a weird conversation.” She whispers back. 

“Want to talk about it?” Harry asks, but Zayn shakes her head. 

“Nah, it’s not that important.” She lies. Louis continues to focus on the screen, but one hand comes up and rubs small circles on Zayn’s ankle bone, a silent show of support. 

What did Sophia mean, ask Liam about why they broke up? Why would Zayn be surprised? Zayn exhales through her nose, before resolutely focusing on the earnest contestants, determined to prove themselves to the wrathful Simon Cowell.

******************

Zayn sees Raj on campus after holiday and it’s a really weird feeling. It seems like it's been years since they hooked up that one time, given the break up and having Liam over for holidays. It seems like her entire world has shifted, and Raj is a relic of a time past. She goes and says hi anyways.

“Zayn! It’s been a while.” Raj says, dimples out in full force. She smiles back immediately, caught up in his enthusiasm. It has been a while, but not nearly as long as it feels to her. 

“I know, I haven't been at the club in ages, I’ve been so busy.” Zayn says, and Raj nods in commiseration. She forgets that he has a life outside of bartending and getting tattoos. “Anything interesting happened since I saw you last?” Zayn asks, and he launches into a story about a girl smuggling a kitten into the club, and a group of guys having severe allergies.

She’s almost crying of laughter when strong arms wrap around her waist from the back, pulling her against a broad torso. Zayn doesn't have to look back to recognize the feel of Liam surrounding her. She leans back into Liam, and angles her head to the side slightly when Liam rests her head on Zayn’s shoulder. 

“Well hello there stranger,” Zayn says to Liam’s cheek, craning her head to the left to see her. The view is far from comprehensive, only letting her see Liam’s cheekbone, the line of her nose, her long eyelashes. It’s still beautiful; all of Liam is beautiful. Liam kisses Zayn’s cheekbone noisily, until it devolves into Liam smiling against Zayn’s cheeks as Zayn laughs. 

Things with Liam changed over the holidays. They are as close as ever, but there is a new tension between them, an anticipatory charge lighting up every exchange. Zayn doesn't know when it started, but seeing Liam in her childhood home, talking about footie with her father, cooking with her mother, chatting with Doniya and Waliyha about stupid things Zayn did in that hopelessly fond tone, playing games with Safaa, and inextricably becoming part of every aspect of Zayn’s life intensified every feeling she had. Liam was her home, her rock, her anchor. Everything that Louis had said about what it meant to be in love rang true. 

Liam looks up after a few seconds of laughter and narrows her eyes. 

“Are you planning on introducing me to this guy, or should I guess his name?” Liam asks, something hard and challenging under the amity of the words. Zayn starts, looking at Raj guiltily. She forgot he was there.

“Yeah, of course. This is Raj, he’s the bartender at Funky Buddha. Raj, this is Liam, my best mate.” 

“Oh yeah, I remember you,” Raj says, and Zayn blushes, thinking about that night at the club. “Things seem a bit less complicated now,” he says, with a smirk. Zayn blushes a little bit harder, and looks down at her feet. Liam notices her reaction and tenses. 

“That’s weird. I have no idea who you are. Zayn must not have mentioned you.” She says, her voice belligerent. All pretences of courtesy are clearly gone. 

“Liam!” Zayn says, about to apologize to Raj for Liam’s rudeness, but he just laughs. 

“Don’t worry, I get it.” Raj says, hands up in the universal sign for acquiescence and a big smiles on his face. God his dimples are still incredible. Liam notices, and makes a weird noise in her chest. 

“I have to go meet up with some friends anyways.” Raj says, and Liam relaxes a little bit. “Nice seeing you again, both of you,” he says, and then he walks away. 

As soon as he’s out of hearing distance. Zayn whirls around in Liam’s arms, breaking the hold Liam has on her.

“What the hell was that?” Zayn asks. Liam crosses her arms over her chest defensively. 

“What was what?” She responds, clearly knowing exactly what Zayn is referring to. 

“You know. What’s going on? You’re never like that.” Zayn says, and Liam fidgets a little bit. 

“It’s not like he was offended or anything, I don't know why this is a big deal.” Liam says, and Zayn widens her eyes in exasperation. 

“Yeah, but it's really strange for you to be rude to a complete stranger, especially one who I consider a friend. What’s going on?” Zayn asks, and finally Liam’s posture loses the aggression. 

“It’s nothing. I just thought-- Never mind. It doesn't matter. I’m fine, everything's fine. I actually came up to you because I wanted to ask you something.” Liam says, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. 

“Shoot.” Zayn says, concerned again. 

“I was just wondering if you would-- I was just thinking that maybe you would enjoy going to-- I’ve been hearing really good things about the new specials at Martino’s, and the vegetarian meals are really something and you haven't mentioned anything about plans tomorrow, and--” Zayn cuts her off. 

“Liam.” Liam stops and stares. “I would love to have dinner with you at Martino’s tomorrow. What time?” Zayn says, taking over the conversation before Liam has a panic attack. Why Liam would be having a panic attack, she has no idea. They have dinner all the time.

“Would seven thirty work?” Liam says, sounding almost painfully eager. 

“Sure thing babe,” Zayn says, still a little mystified as to why Liam is acting so strange. Liam smiles widely, and it looks like a sunrise. Zayn’s heart skips a beat. She’s used to it. 

“Well then,” Liam says, in an ecstatic voice, “it's a date.” 

******************  
Liam is early at her flat. Zayn is still pulling on her shoes when Liam knocks on the door. She yells at Liam to come in, as she finishes doing the straps.

“Sorry I'm so early, I just wanted to be sure we were on time, I didn't want to miss our reservation.” Liam calls as she enters. Zayn furrows her brows at her reflection in the mirror as she puts on her earrings. 

“How did you even get reservations? Martino’s is always packed, the wait list is like a kilometer long.” Zayn asks. 

“I had them for a bit, I just couldn't find the right time to ask.” Liam calls back, a tinge of something unrecognizable in her voice. Zayn looks at her reflection in the mirror, and shrugs, deeming it acceptable. She walks into the common area that Liam is occupying, her strappy heels making sharp clicks on the floor. 

“Well,” she says as she emerges, “how do I look?” Liam’s jaw drops a little bit, taking her in. Zayn barely notices, however, too preoccupied by the vast expanses of smooth tanned skin in her view. Liam looks incredible, a vision in a stunning dark chocolate dress that brings out her eyes, and the warm tones in her skin. She looks delectable, and Zayn has a hard time trying to restrain herself from jumping her right there. The silence drags on for some drawn out moments before Liam visibly shakes herself. 

“You look beyond gorgeous.” Liam says, and Zayn blushes, looking down at her satiny black dress. 

“Thanks, babe.” Zayn says. They stand in silence for a few seconds before Zayn snaps out of it. “Well, we should be going. Reservations and all.” Liam startles at that and then offers her arm to Zayn. Zayn takes it gratefully and together they walk out of the flat. 

******************

The dinner is literally the best dinner they have ever had. Liam is incandescent in the candlelight, constantly laughing. Her eyes are lit up the entire conversation and she looks otherworldly, like an ethereal being that is gracing Zayn and also Earth with her presence. Zayn can’t stop thinking about that one date that she had seen Sophia and Liam on at Martino’s, the way Liam had been stiff and uncomfortable the entire time Zayn had seen her, and how loose and content she is now. 

The food is delicious, and the company is better, and it’s one of the best nights Zayn has had in a long time. Liam takes the check, and Zayn tries to fight her on that, but Liam promises that Zayn can get the next one with a tiny blush on her cheekbones. Zayn is too content to disagree after that, lethargic after the good food and wine. 

They walk back to Liam’s flat in somewhat companionable silence, bumping into each other with stupid grins on their faces. At one point Liam grabs her hand, and intertwines their fingers, and Zayn has to stare at the ground in front to them to make sure that her blush doesn't show. 

Right before they walk into Liam’s building, Liam stops walking, spinning Zayn around until they faced each other. Zayn shifts her hand in Liam’s grip to make it more comfortable, as Liam clearly builds up the nerve to say something to her. 

“Was this like, was it okay?.” Liam asks, and Zayn smiles at her, slightly puzzled. 

“Yeah, of course it was babe.” Zayn says, not really sure what she’s agreeing with, but wanting to reassure Liam. Liam visibly relaxes. 

“Oh thank god, I was so nervous, you have no idea. I had a really good time tonight Zayn,” Liam says, and Zayn is even more confused. 

“I did too. I love spending time with you, you know that.” Zayn says, still not sure what Liam is getting at. 

“So you want to do this again?” Liam asks, and she is positively beaming at Zayn. Zayn nods, and Liam’s smile somehow gets bigger. She steps in closer, so Zayn has to tilt her head up, and she leans in and her lips are suddenly millimeters away from Zayn’s and her eyes are closed, and Zayn feels her own fluttering shut and their lips brush together and what? 

Zayn steps back, letting go of Liam’s hand, eyes flying open. 

“Liam, what are you doing?” She exclaims, and shit that sounds harsher than how she meant it, but she is so confused, and this is not what she was expecting.

“What do you mean? You said you had a good time, you said you wanted to do this again.” Liam says, as if Zayn’s behavior is the confusing element of this situation. 

“Yeah, because I always love it when we have dinner.” Zayn says, and this night makes no sense. Realization dawns on Liam’s face, and she looks horrified, and Zayn is pretty sure she fucked up somehow, but she doesn't know how, and she would do anything to stop Liam from looking like that. 

“Because we always have dinner. Because we always do shit like this, and I never said that tonight was different so why would you assume that it was? God, I’m such an idiot, what was I thinking?” Liam says, and Zayn is so fucking confused and nothing is getting explained. 

“Liam, what are you talking about?” Zayn asks, trying to figure out what is going on.

“This was supposed to be a date. This was supposed to be me saying that I really really like you, Zayn, and I want us to be together.” Liam says, and Zayn feels her eyes open wide and her mouth fall open a little bit. 

“We’ve basically been in a relationship for months, and every time we talk I get these stupid butterflies in my stomach, and you’re home to me. Sophia and I broke up because she accused me of loving you more than I loved her, and I couldn't deny it, and I know that you only see me as a friend, I know that, but I promise that if we just give this a try, this could be incredible, this could be everything.” Liam says in a rush of breath. 

Zayn just stares at Liam, unsure if this entire experience is a fever dream. It’s like every single one of her wishes has been granted, and she can only stare as they slip away and-- wait one fucking second.

“Did you just say that I only see you as a friend?” Zayn asks, incredulous. Liam nods. “Are you fucking kidding me? I tell you I love you all the time, I come to all of your fucking games and practices, I introduced you to my parents and I spend all of my nights in your bed, how could you think that I only see you as a friend? Everyone else figured it out, Sophia saw it, even Doniya saw it after one fucking Skype call!” Zayn said, actually upset at this point. “How can you not have noticed this? I’ve literally been in love with you since the moment we met and you still --” 

Zayn cuts off abruptly when Liam’s lips crash against hers so hard that she might have chipped a tooth. The angle is horrible, and their teeth are clashing, and their noses are in the way, and it’s honestly a pretty terrible first kiss, but then Liam wraps her arms around Zayn’s waist pulling her closer, and Zayn wraps her arms around Liam’s neck and angles her face just a little better and it’s like the stars align. Every single point of contact between them feels like it’s on fire, and Zayn wants to press every inch of her body against Liam’s, she wants to merge them together, to never leave this circle of arms and lips, and Liam holds her like she feels the same way, and they kiss and kiss and kiss until they feel breathless and their lips are numb. 

Zayn pulls aways gently, pressing small closed mouth kisses to Liam’s pliant lips as she catches her breath, resting her forehead on Liam’s. They both laugh a little bit, and Liam’s eyes are still closed, as if she’s savoring the moments between them. 

“God, I thought this could never happen, not in a million years.” Zayn says, laughing a little bit. 

“Then you were severely underestimating your charms.” Liam says, and she sound so sincere that Zayn has to kiss her again. Liam is the one to pull back this time. 

“Move in with me?” Liam asks in this absurdly hopeful tone. Zayn’s eyebrows fly up. “Hear me out. I know that we barely had a first date, and that this is really new, but Zayn, this is something that I know could last forever, and you basically live with me now either way and i--” This time Zayn cuts Liam off with a kiss. The really weird thing is that Zayn feels the exact same way. She can just see them together, living together, sharing their lives, being each others everything, and it isn't even a stretch, because they already do all of that. 

Zayn breaks the kiss. 

“We can discuss this in the morning,” she says, pulling Liam into her building by the hand, because they can, because they have forever in front of them, and Zayn can’t wait. 

 

******************

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Comments and kudos would be lovely if you liked it.


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